The Art Of Healing From A Narcissistic Mother: 9 Healing Habits For Daughters
Healing from a narcissistic mother is a lifelong journey.
Ksenia Varapaeva | Unsplash Growing up with a narcissistic mother leaves a mark that isn't always obvious from the outside, but daughters often feel in adulthood — whether it's through their boundaries, their confidence (or lack thereof), or even the way they love. Healing from that kind of difficult upbringing isn't about blaming the past; it's about finally understanding it. These habits offer a compassionate roadmap for daughters ready to untangle old patterns, reclaim their sense of self, and build a life that feels genuinely their own.
10 healing habits for daughters who grew up with a narcissistic mother:
1. Acknowledge that you have relationship issues due to your upbringing
They are your responsibility to heal, not your mother’s. If you stay stuck as a blameful, powerless victim, you can stunt your growth and cause anger-related illness.
Research shows that overcoming victimhood involves recognizing personal agency, taking responsibility for one's actions, and actively working toward positive change, transforming a victim mentality into self-efficacy and moving from merely surviving to thriving. Embracing responsibility reduces feelings of helplessness and increases a sense of empowerment and autonomy.
It’s all too easy to focus on the narcissist as the problem. But those who are willing to face the pain of their dysfunctional behavior, even if it originated through no fault of their own, are the ones who rise above it.
2. Express your rage in words, writing, art, tears, or other safe outlets
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You can share it with others if they are safe and trustworthy. Or you can keep it private. Anger is energy, and it needs to be moved and cleared to restore you to health. Support groups, art therapy, and journaling are ways you can self-express.
Emotions become embodied and can create persistent physical symptoms when unresolved. When anger and rage are processed through safe outlets like fantasy work or creative expression, the energy that was once diverted to keeping emotions suppressed becomes available again for vital living, research has concluded.
3. Don’t numb your pain with substances or anything that distracts you from feeling the truth
When you honor your feelings instead of your fears, you can move to the other side of them rather than stay stuck in a repetitive, dysfunctional pattern that drains more and more energy over time.
While substance abuse and avoidance can provide temporary relief from distress, these maladaptive coping mechanisms commonly lead to long-term psychological, emotional, and physical harm. Studies have linked escape-avoidance coping strategies to poorer mental health outcomes and substance abuse treatment failures, with this pattern acting as a mediator of negative treatment outcomes.
4. Commit to regular therapy
Psychotherapy is one of the most loving acts you can ever do for yourself. A therapist who specializes in EMDR, trauma, and attachment is most effective for this work.
A review of randomized controlled trials found that EMDR reduced PTSD symptoms, depression, and anxiety compared to other therapies. Understanding how early trauma and adverse childhood experiences shape someone can improve therapy outcomes and strengthen the therapeutic relationship.
5. Practice not reacting when you're triggered
Mindfulness takes time and practice, but creates one of the most powerful changes. People with attachment issues have developed a lifetime of repetitive reactions designed to protect them when they were little, but harm them and destroy their relationships as adults.
When things feel emotionally unbearable, do anything (healthy) to feel better, but do not react to the person who triggered you. A 2022 neurological study found that mindfulness meditation significantly lessens emotional reactivity by helping people maintain an open, nonjudgmental stance when exposed to triggering stimuli.
6. Spend time journaling about your mother’s childhood attachment
Then, talk about how you are more empathetic to your loved ones than your mother was to you. Most narcissists did not receive proper attunement from their parents, and often, they had it even worse than you.
This exercise allows you to see that you (and your mother) are small parts of something much bigger, often something multi-generational, which causes you to feel less alone. It also creates compassion and understanding towards your mother, which releases anger in you.
Cultivating empathy for your family's struggles can be part of healing. Despite their flaws, acknowledging how your ancestors worked hard for future generations matters. According to one study, this perspective helps you feel less alone, transforms anger into compassion, and brings fulfillment when you see yourself creating positive change rather than staying stuck in cycles of pain.
When you see progress and evolution, you feel less stuck and hopeless. Seeing how you are better than your mother from an evolutionary perspective brings fulfillment.
7. Do a release ceremony
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This is a powerful tool to mark the end of the old and the beginning of the new you! You can use symbols of yourself and/or your mother that you would like to release, even burning pieces of writing or pictures. Do it with love, as if it were a funeral.
A letting-go ceremony helps people process and release painful thoughts, emotions, or memories to find healing and peace, making room for new ways of living. Because the subconscious mind can't distinguish between past and present, these symbolic rituals help people begin separating from their trauma, one study explained.
8. Pick one practice to create a more stable and nurturing lifestyle
Insecure attachments are characterized by a lack of nurturing and stability, so you must learn to build attachments for yourself. Examples include using an aromatherapy diffuser in your home, juicing once a week, buying new decor, organizing your home bimonthly, getting a facial or massage once a month, and many other self-care activities.
Research on trauma recovery shows that creating a daily routine with predictable activities provides structure that fosters security and comfort. This sense of control and predictability creates a supportive environment for healing.
9. Write a new vision of yourself in healthy, secure relationships
Spend ten minutes a day thinking about that vision or playing as if you are the new you. Everyone from pro sports players to surgeons uses visualization and the power of the mind to create their desired results. Using it for relationships is just as effective.
The research of Dr. John Bowlby and Dr. Mary Ainsworth found that how human beings respond within relationships when hurt, separated from loved ones, or perceived as a threat is a direct result of how attuned their mothers were to them during their formative years.
Because people with narcissistic tendencies are unable to access deep empathy for others, they cannot attune to their children’s needs and inner emotional well-being. As a result, the child grows up to have insecure attachments in their adult relationships.
Children of narcissists often grow up learning to love others and not themselves. But if you can only love others, you cannot truly love. Note that your relationship with your mother may be the slowest of all your relationships to heal. But if you can change your behavior with her, you can do it with anyone!
The most important thing to realize, to heal from your narcissistic mother, is that if you could get through an entire childhood with her, and all the ways you suffered because of her ill-equipped parenting, and make it this far into your adulthood despite being repeatedly hurt by her behavior, then moving on from her is not that hard!
You just have to focus all your energy on what you truly want instead of turning to things that will cover up your pain, like blame, substances, and bad relationships.
If you think you may be experiencing depression or anxiety as a result of ongoing emotional abuse at the hands of a narcissist, you are not alone. If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474.
Heather Hans, LCSW, MBA, is a Public Speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Intuitive Coach, Holistic Healer, and author of The Heart of Self-Love. Dr. Hans has appeared on multiple news stations and has been featured in Forbes, Fast Company, and PopSugar.
