One of the most common complaints that I hear from women about their male lovers is that they are just too genitally focused. It’s clear to me that many women want their men to make love more from the heart during sexual play. Many women use the term “sexual intimacy” to describe what they are looking for in sex. Sexual intimacy stimulates passion. Women seek a soulful experience in sexual love that relates to the heart as well as the genitals. Their craving for it is so deep that its absence insures her dissatisfaction at a deep, primal level. No matter how many stimulating tricks a man employs in sex, no matter how accomplished a lover he may be, unless heartfelt love is present a woman will never feel satisfied to the core, and despite what some men may claim neither will they.

On some level we all know this. Sex without love is one-dimensional because the experience is generally restricted to the genitals. No matter how intensely outrageous the orgasmic discharge may be, if the experience is confined only to the genitals and the muscles of the pelvis, something is missing. The problem is that while many men are sexually open, too often their hearts are guarded, or closed. And, if a man is extremely openhearted and loving, often, he may be a bit shut down sexually. Men in particular, seem to have difficulty activating the heart-genital connection. For these men, love and sex appear to be entirely separate entities. Love may involve the heart, but sex happens between the legs. It’s not unusual for a guy’s genitals to wilt like a flower that’s lost its bloom if his heart is very open. And if his penis is throbbing with lust and uncontrollable desire, he may just forget that he even has a heart.

Nevertheless, even in the absence of love, many men still find it fairly easy to enjoy sex. If you don’t think so, just reflect on their fondness for pornography, masturbation, prostitution and one-night stands. If you think about it, it’s likely that many young men learn about sex as horny teenagers jerking off in the bathroom devoid of any emotional involvement. Safe in their comfort zones, these youngsters are conditioned to pursue the shortsighted goal of ejaculation without feeling obliged to love at all.

News flash: Women are different! For most women, sex and love are one. Their hearts and genitals are deeply connected. When a woman’s heart is truly open to a man, her vagina opens like a flower in bloom and her juices may gush like a swollen river. For them it is a fairly easy and natural process to establish this kind of deeper connection. Unlike many men, when she opens herself sexually, the floodgates of her emotions and even her spiritual nature will likely pour forth. Women generally share tantra’s viewpoint that love and sex are synonymous. The Hindus use the Sanskrit word “kama” that embraces both love and sex indivisibly. Women tend to bring the whole inseparable package of their human qualities along for the ride. Experience tells me that as a rule, men are more disconnected than women. They require more training in the sexual arts in order to unify their hearts and genitals so that something truly memorable can take place. That’s why I teach men the advantages of prolonged, leisurely lovemaking, without a genital release. With no ejaculation forthcoming, their bodies have sufficient time for the energy of arousal to rise beyond the genitals, above the waist where a big “heart-on” awaits them.

To learn more about concious sexuality and The Potency Principles visit my website: 


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