My intention here is to make you aware of a destructive pattern that has hindered many sexual relationships. I’ve named it post-ejaculation syndrome (P.E.S.). We’ve all heard how women hate it when men roll over and go to sleep as soon as they are finished having sex, but few people ever connect the dots. They don’t seem to realize that the loss of vital life-force energy from male ejaculation is the culprit. While many women want to experience the afterglow of lovemaking by staying emotionally connected with their male partners, very often the intimate connection that they seek is short-circuited so abruptly by his untimely discharge that it must seem to her that he turned off the television while she was still watching the movie.

Though loss of sexual energy after climax is predominately a male phenomenon, women suffer the consequences as much as men since they are also part of the uncomfortable aftermath. Snoring after sex may be just the tip of the iceberg. I want to emphasize this point: the degree of erotic love, interest, and emotional connection a man feels for his sexual partner largely correlates with the amount of sexual energy available to him. To put it another way: sexual depletion may sabotage a man’s ability to feel loved, to act loving, and to appear lovable.

Yet, men who are not trained in the art of conscious lovemaking happily spill their seed like robots programmed for release during every sexual exchange. These so-called “big spenders” firmly believe (as I used to) that when sexually aroused, their highest option demands a genital release. Unfortunately, most men and women are still blind to the pitfalls of squandering sexual energy and they pay a steep price for their ignorance. After all, many unpleasant altercations between sexual partners stem from harboring bad feelings about what happens, or does not happen, during and after sexual expression.

While some men have more sexual stamina than others, most will experience at least some of the effects of P.E.S. when they ejaculate beyond the frequency that is biologically comfortable for them. It’s a given that younger and healthier men may safely ejaculate more often than older, health-challenged men. Typically after ejaculating a man’s post-ejaculatory mood reflects a subtle but noticeable flatness that colors his overall emotional tone. However, for some men, the emotional consequences are more extreme. For these men, loss of sexual desire, emotional withdrawal, irritability, moodiness and indifference are fairly common. Ladies, does that remind you of anyone you know?

Interestingly, many women help to perpetuate this syndrome. They too have bought into the myth that even if they don’t climax, their man should. Some women will do everything in their power ----- intercourse, manual stimulation, fellatio, even faking orgasms, whatever it takes ----- to bring about his release. A woman may think she is doing her man a favor, but if she is constantly pushing him over the edge, she may unknowingly be weakening his sexual vitality by depleting his body of its potent energy reserves. It just may be that one of the hidden obstacles to male/female harmony is the male addiction to ejaculation and the resultant energy loss that precipitates P.E.S.