3 Emotions You Absolutely Must Feel If You Want Your Relationship To Last
Do you feel these in your relationships?
We have a whole range of feelings that we experience throughout our days as well as with our partner.
However, there are three feelings I can think of that happy couples feel a lot:
1. Security
Joy, pleasure, vulnerability, and deep connection occurs in an atmosphere of safety and trust. Being faithful, having no secrets, making it safe to express feelings even painful ones and being cooperative "teammates" all contribute to feelings of security between the partners.
The best way to attain this kind of security is practice a healthy dose of active and attentive listening. One thing I often say is that it is each partner’s job to regulate the emotions of not only him or herself but those of the partner.
We need to help soothe our partner when stressed as well as lift them up (just because we can!) when they are in neutral. A partner that feels understood is a partner who feels safe and secure to be him or herself.
2. Courage
Actually, courage is an essential feeling to get us to take the action necessary to create a happy, vibrant relationship. With courage, you try new things with your partner in and out of the bedroom. With courage, you reveal your inner world to your partner and are interested in your partner’s.
This leads to the feelings of closeness and positive intensity that make relationships come alive. We all know it requires a certain amount of consistent courage to succeed in business and yet when it comes to our intimate relationship, we think we could come home from work and "just chill."
That is fine for a while but ultimately; we need to show courage in our home life as well as our business life.
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3. Excitement
When you utilize your courage in an atmosphere of security, it allows for ever-new experiences. You both plan out your life to have fun activities that you both look forward to. In addition, you can be spontaneous with each other as you have interactions that could be stimulating, humorous and pleasurable.
There is an element of playfulness that keeps the relationship fresh as well as exciting. The myth is that excitement is only for new couples. However, if you have that secure relationship that allows you to take risks and be courageous, you can still get those butterflies in your stomach when you see your partner!
If you are not experiencing these feelings on some consistent basis, this can almost always change. Typically it is the old patterns of thinking, speaking and behaving that block us from the interpersonal creativeness it takes to experience our courage, feelings of security and excitement.
As many of you know, I have worked with couples that have had deep wounds such as infidelity. And yes, there are ways to heal and experience the positive emotions that I have discussed here even in these relationships.
I have seen couples create relationships that allow for these positive feelings over and over again. So, look forward, be creative and make it happen!
Todd Creager is an expert in relationships. For over 30 years, he has worked as a relationship therapist, specializing in marriage, sex and couples counseling.