How To Make A Woman (Or Yourself) Have Seriously Intense Orgasms
Yes, please.
Unsplash Talk to any woman who's experienced intense orgasms while having sex or masturbating, and she'll tell you the female orgasm (of any kind) is a wonderful experience.
And while the "orgasm gap" is real — a recent study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that while 95 percent of heterosexual men claim to usually or always experience an orgasm when having sex, only 65 percent of heterosexual women can say the same — the good news is that there are ways partners can learn how to pleasure a woman — and that women can learn how to orgasm — in order to make sex an even more powerful experience for you both.
But, first, let’s be clear that putting too much emphasis on the end result of things only takes away from the pleasure of the process for both of you.
The truth is that some women cannot experience an orgasm no matter what they or their sexual partners do.
If you are one of those women, or if you are in a relationship with of those women, don’t drive yourself crazy! You can absolutely enjoy an exciting, hot sex life without orgasms.
The happy paradox is that if you surrender to this mindset, you just might have one — or you might not. And either will be just fine.
Having said that, many women have an endless resource of untapped orgasmic potential within themselves, and there are things they and their partners can do in order to deepen that part of their sexual experience.
If you want to know how to make a woman (or yourself!) have intense orgasms, here are 10 things you can do — starting now — for more pleasure in the bedroom.
Note: The following suggestions are directed toward women experimenting with their own pleasure, but partners can follow along and read between the lines to learn how they can pitch in.
1. Ask for what you want.
Be generous and do your best to meet your partner’s needs but, at the same time, remember that your needs are just as important as his.
2. Get to know your body.
Specifically, learn all about what your vulva, vagina and the surrounding areas look and feel like. Many men and women today still don't know much about their own bodies.
Use a mirror for a better perspective of what your clitoris looks like, and read up on your G-spot to learn how to locate and stimulate that highly sensitive area.
3. Give pelvic floor muscle exercises a try.
Kegel exercises can help increase a woman's sensation during sex, due to the strengthening of nerves and improvement of blood flow to the genitals.
4. Experiment with relaxation techniques.
Work on letting go of tension. Deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation exercises can be very helpful.
5. Masturbate (alone or together).
Take your time touching your body and noticing the sensations. Give yourself permission to fantasize while trying out different techniques for arousing yourself while staying relaxed.
6. Get some "hands on" practice.
Once you know your own body more, you can communicate your understanding to your partner. You may even direct him by placing your hand over his and showing him how you want to be touched and where.
7. Play with sex toys.
Sex toys can help tremendously. Vibrators, in particular, can help you experience orgasm with or without your partner present.
If the thought of adding a vibrator or other toys into your sex life makes your partner feel threatened, a sex therapist can help either or both of you learn how to utilize them for the betterment of your sexual relationship overall.
8. Research medications and devices that may be helpful.
Viagra has helped a relatively small percentage of women and topical applications, such as Zestra, which can be applied externally to increase blood flow.
Additionally, the Eros-Clitoral Therapy Device is an FDA-approved small vacuum pump that has been shown to significantly improve symptoms of female sexual arousal disorders. In clinical trials, women reported experiencing "increased sensation, improved vaginal lubrication, enhanced ability to orgasm, and greater overall satisfaction." The device is available by prescription and is applied over the clitoris for several minutes a day to provide blood flow and nerve repair.
9. Acknowledge and address past experiences with sexual trauma.
If you have had sexual trauma, it could be helpful to get that treated first by someone who has expertise with trauma.
For example, you can EDMR for trauma treatment. It has helped sexual survivors move past the past trauma and reclaim a healthy sexuality.
10. Seek the help of a professional.
Sometimes this is difficult to go through alone. You may want to see a qualified professional in this area to help you and your partner set up a physical and emotional environment that will help you reach your orgasmic potential.
All of us have the right to fully enjoy and express our unique sexual selves.
And you can do just that if you take the necessary steps to do so — and end up with a good sex life and even better female orgasms, as a result.
Todd Creager is an expert in relationships. For over 30 years, he has worked as a relationship therapist, specializing in marriage, sex, and couples counseling. For more information, drop him an e-mail.