3 Ways To Create A Passionate And Long-Lasting Marriage

Be alive with yourself and your partner.

Creating a Passionate Marriage

I just celebrated my 33rd wedding anniversary with my wife and I enjoy the creative process of keeping things alive and fresh in my own happy marriage.

Yes, a passionate marriage is created — by paying attention to each other, courageously communicating, and doing new things and also keeping yourself interesting.

The only way to keep yourself interesting is to lean over beyond your edge.

Your edge, as David Deida says in his book, The Way of the Superior Man, is the line where you go from being comfortable to slightly uncomfortable. It is that line that once you cross it, you are in a somewhat new territory.


You are growing and you are developing. You don’t hang out in your comfort zone much of the time. Instead, you expand your comfort zone as you take chances.

RELATED: The Powerful Differences Between Romance, Desire, Lust, Passion, Intimacy & Love

How do you take chances?


Do something new that makes you interesting and alive. And at the same time be interested in your partner and his or her well-being.

In my book, The Long Hot MarriageI talk about 3 very important aspects of creating a passionate long-term relationship:

  1. You need to see the best in your partner and learn how to bring out the best in him or her.
  2. You need to learn how to deal with emotional pain in such a way that your pain connects you both rather than disconnects you both. Pain never breaks up relationships; only disconnection breaks up relationships.
  3. You need to risk and live on your edge. Part of living on that edge is to be an uplifting person in your partner’s life. As a matter of fact, it is your job to uplift the energy of your partner. Of course, it is your partner's job to lift his or her own energy as well, but let’s face it — you are an interpersonal center of influence and you might as well use it for love, pleasure and all things good!

RELATED: 10 Ways To Rekindle Passion In Your Marriage (If You Have A Dead Bedroom)

Many couples fall asleep at the wheel. They get into ruts sometime after they are committed.


It is time to wake up, appreciate the best in each other, develop the emotional muscle to deal with emotional pain maturely and lovingly, and lastly, to create an interpersonal adventure both in and out of the bedroom with your intimate partner.  

It is hard to do this on your own. In order to evolve, we often need a therapist who can not only help you see the blocks and limiting fears and patterns, but also a coach who can challenge you to reach your relationship potential.  

Be alive with yourself and your partner. Don’t settle. Do everything you can to increase your capacity to give and receive love and pleasure.

It is time to have a passionate marriage and for most of you, whether you believe it or not at the present moment, it is possible!


RELATED: 3 Rituals Couples That Are Still Passionate About Each Other Do Daily

Todd Creager is an expert in relationships. For over 30 years, he has worked as a relationship therapist, specializing in marriage, sex, and couples counseling.

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