3 Things To Do Instead Of Getting Revenge On Your Cheating Ex

Beware the bitter aftertaste.

Revenge after an affair Timur Weber | Canva

Revenge is sometimes said to be sweet. If you are dealing with the anger, outrage, and hurt that can occur after your partner has an affair, you may be craving that purported sweetness. Acting out in revenge might even make you feel less helpless and more powerful.

But beware, the bitter aftertaste that undoubtedly comes with revenge will not point you in the direction you want to go, and that's toward healing, renewed trust, and happiness.


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Here are 3 things to do instead of getting revenge on your cheating ex

1. Allow your feelings to surface and release them in non-harmful ways

The trick with revenge is no matter how sweet or satisfying it appears to be as you contemplate it or carry it out, the satisfaction doesn't last. Ultimately, you are left with those same feelings of anger, helplessness, and hurt.

There are no actions to get back at a cheating partner that will erase those emotions. Before you take another step in your revenge plans, ask yourself if you're willing to live with the consequences on top of still having to deal with your hurt.


You may feel if you can't take revenge, you need to swallow your upset and distress. What's bubbling up within you may feel so huge that denying what you are feeling could appear to be the only way to move on.

While choosing not to lash out against those you feel betrayed by probably will be helpful in the long run, holding in your emotions can be just as detrimental as revenge. Not only do those repressed feelings often seep out — sometimes in very inappropriate ways — but you can also literally become ill because of them.

When you allow whatever you are feeling to surface and then release it in non-harmful ways, you clear a path. This new path can lead you to the healing and happiness you want. Of course, getting to happiness again may take time and patience. But it's worth it.


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2. Set aside space where you can be alone and undisturbed

Permit yourself to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Don't judge yourself for having thoughts or feelings coming up, but try to pay attention to feelings more than thoughts.

If you need to write down how you feel or what words you'd like to say to your partner or another person, then do that. You can choose later whether it would help to give what you wrote to the person.


Some people find that moving their bodies is beneficial to letting out and releasing difficult emotions. During your alone time, you might put on music to match your mood and then dance, stomp, or yell how you feel. Be gentle with yourself as you allow this process to unfold.

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3. Stay focused on what you want

Keep bringing your attention back to yourself, and continue to ask yourself what you want.

Woman release;'s emotion instead of getting reveng Vyshnova via Shutterstock


Do you want to stay in or leave this relationship? Do you need time to make this big decision? What would feel soothing and healing to you right now? If you feel overwhelmed by the questions that emerge in your mind, try to ask different questions that feel less intimidating.

When you stay tuned in to what you want, you also keep your attention in this present moment. Often, revenge desires flare up when you obsess about the affair and past events. Do what you need to do to take care of yourself and your healing. Right here, right now.

Keep urging yourself toward those thoughts and activities that will bring you ease and soothing. It is there the sweetness of life can be rediscovered.


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Susie and Otto Collins are Certified Transformative Coaches who help awaken love and possibilities in your life.