How To Get Your Guy To Romance You The Way You Like (Without Having To Drop Hints Constantly!)

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how to get him to be more romantic

Karen has had it with her boyfriend, Jeff. He just doesn't get it. In order to get the kind of romance and special treatment she wants, Karen has to drop blatant hints, and even then, he only occasionally understands that she'd like him to "surprise" her with flowers, a compliment, or dinner out.

This relationship feels like so much work, and Karen wonders if it's worth it. Does it ever feel like your man just doesn't "get" you or know what you want in your relationship? Maybe you two are opposites and your differences are what drew you to one another in the first place. But now it feels like those differences make it impossible for you to really communicate and connect.

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You end up disappointed and frustrated much of the time and are at a loss about how to get what you want from them. Your partner seems utterly clueless about what you like, what you want from the relationship and who you are. Even if you and your partner aren't all that different, it can still feel like something essential is missing.

Your partner should know that you wanted chocolate instead of vanilla ice cream. He should've remembered that this was the day of your big presentation at work and taken you to dinner to celebrate. She should've understood that going out with your buddies tonight was important to you, and your movie night can be rescheduled.

If you feel misunderstood or as if you and your partner come from different planets, this is prime breeding ground for resentment, arguments, and maybe even cheating or breaking up. We don't think you're making this stuff up!

Yes, it is irritating when you feel like you've sent the message loud and clear that you like or want something in your relationship, and your partner doesn't hear or follow through. Sometimes, our men (and women, too) act clueless. For various reasons, they completely miss what you've said, or don't respond in a way you'd like.

If you want your boyfriend to be more romantic, here's what you should do:

1. Don't assume he's a mind reader.

It's a trap that many of us fall into. You are probably well aware of what you prefer and want from your partner, and you act as if your partner is somehow instantly aware of this, too. He is most likely not. Your partner is not a mind reader.

This isn't a sign that he doesn't love and care about you, it just means that your partner is a unique and separate person. Your partner lives in a different body with different likes, dislikes, moods and experiences.

Even if you two have been together a long time, your boyfriend is still not going to be a mind reader. Take this as an invitation to never stop discovering who you are and letting your partner in on that discovery, as well. 

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2. Don't assume he is an uncaring idiot.

It can be a real downer when you really wanted your boyfriend to say or do something and it doesn't happen. It can feel like a personal insult or as an indication that your guy isn't capable of clueing into you.

The result of believing that your boyfriend is an uncaring idiot is that you treat him as one. You come off as patronizing, sarcastic or pull away from him  because of this belief. Acknowledge it when you feel dissatisfied or as if something is lacking in your relationship.

You must figure out what, at your core, you actually want. Then, talk with your partner about this in a way that isn't blaming, critical or a put-down.

3. Communicate when he's available.

When you do talk with your boyfriend about what it is you really want (whether it's a "big" or a "small" thing), make sure he is truly free to listen and engage with you. A mistake that many couples make is trying to communicate when one (or both) of them is otherwise occupied. If your guy is doing the dishes, surfing the Internet or texting, that is not the time to talk.

Sit down and ask him, "Are you free to talk with me for a few minutes now?" or, "I'd like to talk about plans for this weekend. When could you be free to talk about that?" When you both are fully focused on the conversation, it's amazing how much more effectively you can communicate.

4. Be clear, specific and consistent.

If your man seems clueless about what you like and want from your relationship, it could be a reflection of your words and actions. First and foremost, make sure you are clear with yourself about what you want. Don't unintentionally send out conflicting or mixed messages.

Try to catch inconsistencies with what you say and do so that your boyfriend will have an easier time understanding you. When you make a request, be specific about exactly what you have in mind and if there's a time frame involved, say what that is exactly.

Talk about what you want in an honest, consistent and upfront way instead of assuming he knows. This is simple advice that yields phenomenal results. 

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Susie and Otto Collins are relationship coaches and authors who help couples communicate, connect and create the relationship they desire.  Click here to get their free ebook, Passionate Heart-Lasting Love.

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