4 Ways To Get Attention From Your Partner — Without Being Too Needy

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how to get attention and stop being so needy

When you aren't getting enough attention in your relationship, it can seem like everything and everyone else are far more interesting and important to your partner than you are. 

If you walked into the room wearing no clothes, your partner still wouldn't pay attention to you — at least this is how it feels for many people. Like everything, including the TV, the phone, the kids, and your partner's job take precedence over you. No matter what, the person you love just ignores you. 

Your partner might have a demanding job, hefty responsibilities and also a challenge staying focused. This can leave you feeling last on their priority list.

It can also lead you to act overly needy.

Now, everyone has needs, and that's healthy. But excessive emotional neediness can push people away. But how do you tell him that you need more attention (or her!) without seeming like "too much"? 

RELATED: 9 Signs You're Too Emotionally Needy 

When you're needy, you call or text your partner frequently, especially if you don't get an instant reply. You are hyper-aware of any mood changes in your partner and take it personally if he or she is grumpy and irritable. You might often ask questions like, “Is everything okay?” and “Do you love me?”

You probably also get on your partner's nerves!

Being needy can come out in different ways, but the effects are the same. You will push people away.

Your partner shuts down or ignores you even more than before. You end up feeling more alone and unimportant.

Recognize it when you're feeling and acting needy in your relationship. Stop the needy-spiral that takes you further and further away from creating the kind of relationship you desire.

RELATED: What Men Really Mean When They Say You're 'Too Needy'

Here are 4 ways to stop being needy, and get attention that's healthy and fulfilling. 

#1: Know what you want and need.

Identify what it is that you want in a relationship. Go general and think about the qualities you'd like to experience or experience more often with your love.

Acknowledge it if there are some of these qualities already alive in your relationship — this is a place to build from.

It's also important to distinguish wants from what you need. Your needs are those non-negotiables that you won't compromise on. These are the things that might cause you to re-assess whether or not you'll stay or leave the relationship. Things like monogamy, honesty and respect might be on your list of non-negotiable needs.

Remember, some people's needs look like other people's wants. The point here is to get clear about what the difference is for you.

#2: Fulfill yourself.

When you feel needy, chances are there is something “off” or empty that you want taken care of. It's painful to be in this place and it's understandable that you look to your partner to make things better.

This is a lot of pressure to put on your partner!

When you feel unfulfilled, it's not only unfair to expect your partner to fix it for you, it's also impossible. The most loving and attentive person in the world cannot make another person feel loved, special and fulfilled...if that person doesn't already feel that way.

Start taking back responsibility for your well being and for how you feel. If you are dissatisfied or feel like your life (or self) is lacking in some way, look first to you for the improvement.

Think about any habits, behaviors or activities that you've experienced in the past that have given you a sense of fulfillment and love. If can't think of any, brainstorm a list and start experimenting.

You're probably not going to feel instantly great, but be on the lookout for when you feel a little bit better.

RELATED: 18 Signs Your Partner Is Touch-Starved & Needs More Attention From You

#3: Say what you do want.

It's undeniable that your partner's actions have a strong effect on your experience. It's possible that you are doing what you can to fulfill your own needs and you still feel ignored and unimportant.

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Maybe it's the constant texting with friends or incessant social networking online, but your partner seems to spend more time focused on other people and things and not on you. This hurts even if it isn't a conscious rejection.

Talk with your partner about these specific habits. Choose your words carefully. If you accuse him or her of not caring about you or any other guess at motives or emotion, this isn't going to help.

Defensiveness, hostility and further distance aren't the kind of attention you probably want.

Instead, talk about what you do want. Give credit for what's already happening in your relationship that you DO appreciate.

Make requests like, “Can we cuddle together on the couch in an hour?” or “Would you join me for a (phones off) walk this evening?” 

#4: Be your own unique, attractive self.

In each moment, continue to tap into and really value what makes you uniquely you. The more authentically you live, the more attractive and interesting you'll be. You'll also be happier too!

Be aware of your partner and what's going on with him or her but, make your central focus you. Support yourself in being confident and true to you.

We promise, this will make neediness a thing of the past!

RELATED: 101 Small-But-Mighty Relationship Advice Everyone Can Use

Susie and Otto Collins are Certified Transformative Coaches who help awaken love and possibilities in your life and relationships. You'll find articles and videos on many relationship topics, as well as a free ebook on fixing your communication on their website.