Photo: unsplash / Hanna Morris
Your wedding is more than just the ceremony. Here's how to make your marriage last.
By Stephanie Macadaan — Written on Mar 07, 2020
You've spent so much time wedding planning, creating the perfect ceremony and coming up with your nuptials.
But have you thought about what life, love, and marriage will be like after the big day?
The true meaning of marriage only begins during the wedding, and married life can surprise you in many ways.
You’ve dated, fallen in love, gotten engaged, and meticulously planned for the “big day.”
However, in the excitement of picking out the dress, the cake, the first dance song and everything needed to make your wedding day perfect, you, like many brides and grooms, might have failed to think about the next five, ten, twenty, or even fifty years.
Planning for the “happily ever after” the big day is extremely important and often missed or skimmed over.
But here's how you can make sure your wedding is just the start of a good marriage filled with lasting love:
1. Prepare for change — both yours and your spouse's.
Who you are today is not exactly who you will be the rest of your life, and the same goes for your partner.
Life is a series of challenges, joys, sorrows, and events. In order to get through life, you adapt, which means you grow and change. While it's healthy and normal, it can sometimes feel threatening in a relationship, so make sure you're prepared to adapt and change as you both grow.
2. Be aware there will be ups and downs in your relationship.
Your marriage will have wonderful moments and very difficult moments. A lot of feelings get triggered during hard times — such as anger, fear, worry, and sadness, which often leads to conflict and stress.
Riding the waves means you accept and flow with life’s stresses, navigating them skillfully, paying close attention to what is happening at the moment and planning for what lies ahead.
Trouble magnifies when you deny, judge, fight against and protest your current reality.
3. Pay attention to boundaries.
Your relationship is important, and your life as individuals is equally important. One mistake couples often make is “becoming one” and losing touch with their own wants, needs, hopes, and dreams.
A healthy balance between common interests and individual interests keeps the relationship fresh and interesting. Becoming too merged with each other creates a stifling environment that can feel suffocating.
4. Plan to talk about sex.
Sex is a very important part of a marriage, and often a good indicator of the health of a relationship.
While you will experience highs and lows sexually throughout life, it's important to feel comfortable communicating about sex and understanding the importance of it in your marriage.
5. Work on communication so you don't shut each other down.
Marriages often run into trouble when one or both partners start feeling nervous about expressing themselves due to fear of the others' reactions. This slowly leads to a bottleneck in communication and then anger about not feeling heard or understood.
Paying close attention to how you react when your spouse is sharing thoughts and feelings is an important step in keeping open communication flowing and your connection solid.
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Stephanie Macadaan is a licensed marriage and family therapist who works extensively with couples before and after their wedding. To learn more about how she can help you plan for a happy future, visit her website here.