When your pre-date research goes too far.
By Sarah Kester — Written on Nov 09, 2015
“How did you know I had two cats and their names are Fluffy and Buttons?”
I stared back at my date, horrified, as I just accidentally let it slip that I had scrolled far enough down his Facebook timeline to discover that he had two adorable tabby cats, and oh yeah, their names were Fluffy and Buttons. Call it a coincidence? I think not.
It was time for me to admit: My name is Sarah Kester, and I am an Over Excessive Pre-Date Internet Stalker.
While the lesson in that embarrassing slip-up was that I should probably halt any and all future insane amounts of research before a first date, did I listen?
Nope.
Like the billions of people in our Internet-obsessed world, where everything you’ve ever wanted to know about a person is right at your fingertips, I continued to give in to my nosy tendencies, justifying it with the notion that I wouldn’t go into a job interview unprepared. Wasn’t a first date sort of the same deal?
The truth is, I’ve practically been an expert at pre-date Internet research since I went on my very first date at the age of fifteen.
It was my first real, “grown-up” dinner and movies kind of date and I was nervous, to say the least. What would I wear? Would we have to kiss when we said goodnight? What if he was actually a serial killer and tomorrow’s paper would read: 15, Murdered, Killed on the first date.
Fueled by all of this, I spent the entire last period of classes in the computer lab on Facebook researching everything there was to know about my potential suitor. I Google’d things like: what to wear, top 15 icebreaker topics, suggestions on what to order if you’re a messy eater like myself, and so on.
By the time he picked me up in a grey jeep, which I already knew he had thanks to an old Facebook post, I had single handedly taken all the mystery out of my first date: I knew his last girlfriend’s name was Brittany and they dated for two years; I knew he loved country music and had an odd affinity for the Snoop Dogg song, “Drop it like it’s hot.”
Because of this, I “dropped” random lyrics of that song throughout the entire night, even adding in dorky dance moves I’d seen him do in a video, just to see if he’d pick up on it and automatically assume that we must be soul mates if I could like the same song without him evening having to mention it.
But of course, there were downsides to doing too much research. I had to “act” surprised while he told me certain things about himself and later wondered whether our relationship was truly “meant to be,” or if I had forced the entire thing.
Since that first date, my research methods have evolved. I usually begin with scouring through a person’s social media profiles. My motto is: if they got em’, I’m creeping through them.
I’ll go through all of their photo albums, even ones from years ago, check out their “about me” section and click on their liked pages to see what sort of movies, music and TV shows they’re into and thus, give me the chance to wow them by us “magically” having multiple things in common.
Of course there’s downsides to being a heavy pre-date Internet researcher. My friends think I’m crazy half the time, despite them indulging in a bit of stalking themselves, and first dates can sometimes feel a little forced. I mean, what’s the fun in having a conversation without any surprises?
And as any pre-date researcher knows, you experience frequent moments of panic whenever you accidentally click on an Instagram of theirs from 33 weeks ago.
If that ever happens, it’s safe to say that you can bid adieu to the life you once knew and book the first ticket to India.
But pre-date research has it’s upsides too, like making you feel prepared and making it so that you’re better informed of knowing whether you and this person will truly be compatible.
As for dating, I like where I am right now. I love the Internet and social media and all the ways we have to connect (and creep). My level of research probably isn’t entirely necessary, but at the end of the day, there’s a pretty high chance that my date has taken time out of his day to research me too. At this point, I’m simply fitting in (and giving my date and I yet another thing in common).