How Do Guys Really Feel When A Woman Pursues Them?

Should you go wholeheartedly and aggressively after the man you want, or let him come to you?

Written on Sep 26, 2014

How Do Guys Really Feel When A Woman Pursues Them?
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When I was a silly little 22-year-old, freshly graduated from college in 1991, I eloped on the shores of Panama City Beach, Florida. High from too much weed, giggly all giddy-like while serious marital vows were being spoken over me, I didn't think about the months and years to come—and how distance would affect my new marriage. With that marriage, I didn't have to pursue the man who would become my ex-husband. He chose me. Thank the good Lord above and inside that union ended in divorce, as it should have.

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Before long, I'd be remarried—but I wouldn't say outright that I had to chase after that man to land him, either. In fact, I believe in just the opposite. Those Facebook viral photos of a woman on her knees proposing marriage to her boyfriend kind of make me cringe inside, and not just because I've been raised to follow dating rules. I've always believed that a woman should wait for a man to show interest in her, but that doesn't mean she shouldn't let him know—in subtle yet obvious and ladylike ways—that she likes him. There's a balance between wondering 'does he like me?' and embarassing yourself.

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Therefore, when the dating site Millionaire Match asked, "Is it a turn-off to men when a lady pursues them?" they received interesting answers on both sides.

This writer would land squarely on the side of yes—even though I'm not a man. However, as a female, I've learned that it helps to wait for a man to make the first move. If he's shy, throwing on a nice dress and pretty make-up doesn't hurt to get his attention, but as far as pressuring him for a date, that just seems desperate to me. Men know what they want and if they are really into us, they'll find a way to make it happen.

Of course, us Christians like to point to the fact that the Bible says that "he who finds a wife finds a good thing," a verse that insinuates that it's the man who does the looking, not the female that's on a major hunt for a husband. (Even if she is, she doesn't need to look like a Needful Nelly all the time.)

My other favorite part of Scripture, which really brought the point home about not pursuing a man, is in the Song of Solomon, a book filled with such heartfelt yet erotic language that my dad called it "nearly X-rated." Anyway, I like the verse that says, "Daughters, don't arouse or awaken love until it's time."

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I've found that wisdom can be used in plenty of situations, not merely in attracting a husband—coupled with a lot of prayer—but also in helping keep the love life alive once you've got him.

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