Why Understanding How A Man Thinks Can Make Or Break Your Relationship

Are men's minds really that different?

Why Understanding How A Man Thinks Can Make Or Break Your Relationship getty

Understanding how men think is the key to knowing if he is ready to take the next step with you, or if it’s time to move along. It’s important to evaluate his behavior to see if the two of you are on the same page.

When you understand how a man thinks, you’ll never have to ask him, “Where is this going?”

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Make him earn it.

Don’t date backward by giving the benefit of the doubt to a stranger on a date. Just because you have chemistry doesn’t mean you two have the same values. A man has to earn the benefit of the doubt with you first.

Understanding how a man thinks about dating and mating assists with your being discerning through the dating process, ultimately so you can select an ideal match.

In the blush of the romance stage of a relationship, it’s easy to give the hot guy a pass, and quite frankly the hot guy is used to not having to work hard at getting attention, companionship, and even sex.


Understanding how men think can ease tension.

Even long-term marriages suffer because after spending years together, it’s all too easy to fill in the blanks and make assumptions that you’re on the same page even when you’re not. Understanding how a man thinks differently about everything from mundane tasks to achieving life goals can ease unwanted tensions.

Men and women differ in the way they think about dating, relationships, and sex. In order for your relationship to thrive, understanding how a man thinks about you, your relationship, and your future together will give you the clarity and confidence you are looking for.

If you're wondering why he isn’t calling to set up the next date, or why he is texting to see if you want to “hang out,” then you’re missing the fact that he likes you but he’s not falling for you.


The signs of a relationship-ready man.

A relationship-ready man will drive the relationship forward. He will pursue you for a relationship and will want to claim you. He will push for exclusivity.

He will not be ambiguous in his behavior because when he thinks you are “the one,” he won’t want to give another guy the opportunity to take you away from him.

Women nest, they plan, they prepare, they make sure there’s a backup of almond milk in the cupboard. A man only hunts when he’s hungry.

Don't make things too convenient.

It’s important that you don’t make things easy for the guy you want a relationship with. This doesn't mean playing hard to get or being inauthentic.


If you make things convenient for him — calling to ask him out, making all the plans, texting often to see how he's doing — then you leave the door open for the convenient guy to hang around way too long.

The "convenient guy" is happy to have your company, to share emotional intimacy, and to get regular sex. However, he's not interested in any kind of long-term commitment. He’s just going with the flow and will happily go along with whatever is easiest. 

The battle of the sexes.

Leave space for a man to pursue you, and you’ll never have to wonder what his intentions are. So many men these days feel like they can never win with their spouse. It can feel like there is an ongoing battle between the sexes that men fear they're losing.


The most common complaint from men going through a divorce is that they didn’t know how they could "win" with their ex. They felt like all that they heard was criticism, and so they ultimately gave up on the relationship.

Let a man know how to win with you.

He'll be eternally grateful. It also helps if you acknowledge and appreciate his efforts. A man who cares for you wants to be your hero. He wants to be your knight in shining armor, and in return, he wants you to respect him.

This doesn’t mean that he won’t support your efforts to change the world. He'll be happy to let you lead the way. Let him know how he can win with you by being by your side and by being your biggest ally.


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Understand that men are less emotional.

Ask a man how he feels and he may give you a blank stare. Understanding how a man thinks is very different from being in touch with his emotional life. He likely prioritizes his thinking state and doesn’t spend much time labeling emotions.

So, ask a man what he thinks and he will gladly share with you. It’s not that men aren’t emotional. It’s just they generally aren’t as in touch with their emotions as you are. It doesn’t mean that he doesn’t feel deeply.

Understanding how a man thinks and differentiates his thoughts from his feelings allows you to talk across the brain. You can share with him how you feel, and then ask him what he thinks.


A man will know how he feels about you.

He may not always be able to express it clearly with words, but his actions will tell you all you need to know.

Paying attention to a man’s actions will inform you about his values.

A man likes to try to solve your problems because he wants to feel useful. Men develop a lot of their self-esteem by their actions and their accomplishments.

Just because he is offering his opinion on how you should handle a situation in your life doesn’t mean he thinks you're incapable. Quite the contrary! Understanding how a man thinks will inform you that offering you suggestions is his way of being helpful.

Solving your problems is one of the ways he feels useful to you.


A man who cares about you doesn’t want you to struggle. When he hears about your difficulties at work or with a friend, he's looking for an opportunity to find a problem he can fix.

Understanding how a man thinks differently from your female friends will encourage you to ask him to simply listen. If you don’t want suggestions from him about how to handle the situation you’re sharing about, ask him for what you need instead.

Make a request before you share what's going on that you would like him to listen and you need to speak with someone you trust. Let him know how he can be useful and you will feel supported by him and emotionally connected to him.

Women are great at multitasking and men are great at focusing their energy.


Because men have traditionally been the hunters and the earners, they will focus their energy on the task at hand. 

So many women are doing too much in their relationships and don’t understand why their man isn’t stepping up to reciprocate. Understanding how a man thinks will clear this common problem up quite easily.

Men are not wired to reciprocate. If he sees that a task is being accomplished, his mind thinks it would be inefficient to help. He sees you as capable and will assume you’ve got it handled.


Stepping back will leave space for him to help out. When women do more, they inadvertently inspire him to do less.

Understanding how a man thinks will let you know that if you need him to do something, you’ll need to spell it out for him and say it. When he does what you ask, acknowledge and appreciate him. This will inspire him to step up and be your hero.

If you find yourself complaining that there are no "evolved" men or that you don’t know where to find them, understanding how a man thinks differently about how to better himself will let you know where to start.

Men do personal growth differently.

A lot of men like to challenge themselves by perfecting a task or pushing their physical bodies. They're not comfortable sharing their emotions in a public setting.


Instead, they may participate in organized sports, have a workout buddy at the gym, clear their mind in the garage fixing the car, or building some furniture.

Understanding how a man thinks about personal growth and what that means about his desire to become a better man will inform you if he is an ideal match for you over time.

Reserve judgment and allow him to reveal his true nature to you over the course of several dates.

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Orna and Matthew Walters are soulmate coaches who've helped thousands of readers create soul-lasting love. Download a complimentary copy of their e-book, "Recognizing Mr. Right," along with a guided program on self-acceptance on their website.