Love, Heartbreak

Why You Should Never Tell Your Girlfriend About Your Drunken One-Night Stand

Photo: getty
Never EVER Tell Your Woman About Your Drunken One Night Stand

Gentlemen, picture the following scene, if you will: An alarm goes off at 8 AM. You open your eyes. Your body feels like a herd of rhinos stampeded over it. You are desperately trying to understand where you are, as you don’t recognize your surroundings. It takes a good five minutes to realize you’re not home — you’re away on a business trip. 

Last night you attended a party your company threw for a bunch of clients. Most of the evening is a blur... except you seem to remember flirting with the pretty blonde event planner. But you didn’t just stop there.

RELATED: How To Tell If He's Cheating (Or If You're Just Paranoid)

As in any good horror flick, you feel a steady stream of cold sweat starting to pour down your face. You feel almost frozen, yet force yourself to look to your left, and... oh no, there she is. In your bed.

While the blonde continues to blissfully drool on the pillow in her drunken stupor, you collect your clothes from the floor and beat a swift retreat down the hallway, collect your suitcase and catch your flight back home. You then understand that you were cheating.

Back home is your loving girlfriend. You’ve been happily living together for the past year. She's the love of your life with whom you plan a future: a couple of kids, a house in the suburbs, a dog, and even a cat (her choice). 

You can’t imagine life without her. Yet here you are, ruining your future over a stupid drunken mistake that you deeply regret with every cell in your body. You have to tell her, right? After all, the truth shall set you free.

Women will probably throw stones at my head for saying this to you, but here's the truth: You don't have to say anything.

The Buddhists specifically ask: “What is your intent for telling the truth?” So, I'm asking you now: What is your intent in telling your girlfriend the truth? Was the cheating truly a mistake?

RELATED: 3 Signs They're Truly Sorry For Cheating (And It's Safe To Take Them Back)

Is it something that you inanely did in a drunken inertia that you regret so much that just knowing you did this will be your worst punishment? Do you know, in your heart of hearts, that you will never allow yourself to do this again and wish with all your heart that you could take back every minute of it, if you could?

Do you really love your girlfriend and just the thought of being with someone else (in a sober state of mind) repulses you? If that is the case, what is your intent for telling her about your mistake? Is it to unburden yourself? Yes, honesty is the best policy in any relationship. But think about the consequences in this case. 

You're willing to ruin your relationship and seriously damage the emotional state of the woman you love? For what? So that you can feel better about your own character? So that you don’t have to worry about letting it spill one day, years from now? So that you can make yourself believe you’re a morally righteous man?

If you really believe that this was a one-time mistake that you will regret for the rest of your life, it is your burden to bear. Don’t put it on her shoulders. Deal with it in your own way: Seek therapy, become an ideal partner.

Whatever you need to do — be a man and do it. But do it by yourself.  You can be your worst judge and jury. Heck, you deserve it. But does she?

Let’s be clear: There is no room for cheating in any relationship. So if this happens again, you need to examine your relationship and whether you should be a part of it. 

So, when should you tell your girlfriend you slept with another woman? When this situation is actually an affair. Then, absolutely, come clean and be a man enough to break it off. After all, your girlfriend didn’t sign up for a polygamous or a polyamorous relationship, did she?

Plus, if you have the need to seek emotional and physical releases elsewhere, you don’t have that strong of a relationship anyway. Be bold enough to let your relationship with her go.

But an affair is not the same thing as a one-time, entirely stupid mistake. (If, indeed, you think it was nothing but that.) In this case, it may take more courage on your part to say nothing. Can you do that?

RELATED: 14 Signs It's Safe To Forgive Your Partner For Cheating

Marina Margulis is a dating coach based in New York City. If your love life is stuck in a rut, or if you seem to be attracting the wrong people or no people at all, contact New York Socials at

This article was originally published at Wingman Magazine. Reprinted with permission from the author.