The Taboo Conversations You HAVE To Have If You Want Your Relationship To Work

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Must-Have Taboo Dating Conversations

If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, what are the types of conversations you should be having from the start?

From taboo to scary to just plain awkward, there are things to talk about with a guy you're dating that ensures a successful future relationship.

Here are the essential early conversations that you must have if you’re looking for real love:

1. On your first date, you need to talk about your ex. 

This is a very important and revealing first date story. I say story because you are going to present it strategically in order to illuminate 3 specific things about you: where were you, where are you, and where you are going.

The key is to talk about your ex in a confidently vulnerable way that isn’t angry, sad, or wistful. Don’t go on and on or it can feel like therapy. And make sure to tell your ex story in a U-strategy — it is framed in the shape of the letter U.

Start your story in positivity, drop down into vulnerability, and back up into positivity. Say something about what attracted you to your ex, what your relationship was like, when you noticed that there were problems, what you did to try to fix them, why it eventually ended, and what you did to heal and move on.

2. Bring up politics.

Non-starters need to be talked about on the first date. Politics may be one of yours. You can’t start something if there is a non-starter issue between you.

If political beliefs and preferences are important to you, you need to address them. You do not want to waste your time or open your heart to someone who has a belief that you can’t change or ignore.

3. Talk about your "purpose" and your dating purpose. 

Do you just want to have fun? Or are you ready for something real? You date differently depending on your dating purpose. If you want something real, you have to reveal that.

By saying that you are in a place where you are ready to find a real relationship that could lead to marriage and children, you aren’t saying "I want to marry you", all you are doing is checking that they are on the same relationship trajectory as you are.

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4. Ask: "Are you my boyfriend/girlfriend?"

Everyone dreads this question. But do you know what’s even more dreading? Imagine that you’ve been dating a woman for several months, you’ve met friends, you’re sleeping together, and you’re starting to refer to her as your girlfriend. But she, on the other hand, has no idea about this title and is still juggling multiple dates a week with other guys!

It’s not necessarily because she’s a player or a bad person, it’s simply that you haven’t had the BF/GF talk. Relationships are about clarity through conversation. Stop assuming that you’re in a relationship until you have this essential boyfriend/girlfriend talk!

Everyone has their own beliefs and expectations when it comes to what threshold determines titled commitment. Clarity and communication are key in order to avoid misunderstanding — like that you think you’re in a relationship and she is still juggling a couple of dates a week.

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5. Talk about mistakes and areas of shame.

Showing your ugly side is an essential relationship step if you want something real. This is a heart opening conversation that can immediately deepen and expand your relationship. When you talk about regrets and mistakes you have made in your past, you’re tapping real emotions and exposing your humanity.

But it’s not just reporting on what you did wrong, it’s about what made you realize it was a mistake, what you learned from it, and how you’re different or more evolved because of it. How you handle conflict and hardships, and how you pull yourself back up from it says a lot about you.

Personally, I want to be with someone who I know that if and when the sh*t hits the fan and life’s natural dramas come up, we can maneuver through and out of it together. Now that’s sexy.

You're right, these conversations are often referred to as so taboo that they shouldn't be had until you're well into dating (if at all). But those old rules of dating secrets are dated and don't build a foundation of authenticity.

Stop wasting your time on people who aren't your type when it comes to relationship longevity. If you're ready for something real, then get real — right now. 

Laurel House is an international celebrity Dating and Relationship Coach, a dating coach on E!’s "Famously Single," a Dating Coach for Three Day Rule Matchmaking, and a 5-time published Lifestyle Author.

Watch Dr. Erica Goodstone discuss how much you should share on a first date.

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