5 Surprising Reasons You Feel Depressed After A Breakup

Losing your ex might not be the only thing making you depressed.

Woman depressed after breakup getty

Are you feeling depressed after a breakup? Are you totally miserable and wondering why?

Feeling depressed after a breakup is totally natural. While it’s not surprising that you are devastated because your heart has been damaged, there are other, sometimes surprising reasons why you are feeling depressed.

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Those reasons might be easier to manage if you have some awareness about them.


Here are 5 surprising reasons you might be feeling depressed after a breakup.

1. Fear.

When you're going through the pain of a breakup, you're experiencing fear in many forms.

You're afraid that you'll be forever alone, that no one will ever love you again. You're afraid that you're unlovable. You're afraid that you're flawed.

You're afraid that you'll never be happy. You're afraid that your dreams of marriage and a family will never come true.

These fears are certainly understandable. Fortunately, they are most likely completely unfounded, even if they feel true in this moment.

I have never yet met someone who broke up with someone and never found another person to love. There are millions of people out there, and at least one more of them is out there waiting for you.


You are definitely not unloveable or flawed — you just weren’t well-matched with your ex.

You will be happy again. I know that it’s hard to imagine right now as you go through the pain of a breakup, but you will be OK!

And there is still plenty of time for your dreams to come true.

One of the reasons you feel so much pain is because of your fear. It can be hard to manage, but it can be easier to push back on if you're aware of exactly what you're afraid of!

So, take a look at what you are afraid of and question if what you fear is really true.

2. Boredom.

I know, you're depressed after a breakup and believe you'll never be happy again. And your depression is warranted, but I would also argue that a lot of your depression comes from sheer boredom.


When you break up with someone, you lose a playmate. Someone to watch TV with, to go out to dinner with, to fool around with, to just hang out with during those downtimes. And now, you don’t have that person.

For a lot of people, when they're feeling depressed after a breakup, they stop doing things.

You don’t feel like doing things because you're depressed. But you also aren’t used to doing things without your person, so you don’t do anything at all.

As a result, they are bored and spend lots of time thinking about their ex. Then, they get depressed.

I would encourage you to do whatever you can to keep yourself busy. Something like just taking a trip to Starbucks might brighten your day, at least temporarily. Sitting at home obsessing will suck the life out of you!


I know it’s hard during these times of COVID to keep yourself busy, but now is the time to work to do so. FaceTime with friends, read books, get into shape, learn something new, watch rom-coms with your mom, whatever you can do to keep yourself busy and not bored.

Honestly, you might not be missing your ex as much as you think you are, and keeping yourself busy might prove that!

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3. Wasted time.

Many people are depressed after a breakup because they lament the time that they invested in their ex.

Everyone has hopes and dreams, and when they lose someone, they feel like they have had to let go of their hopes and dreams forever.


Many people stay in relationships that aren’t serving them because they have "invested so much time already." They don’t want to have to go back to online dating and start all over again.

So, they stay. And then, when the relationship eventually fails anyway, they have wasted even more time.

If you're obsessing about the time wasted in a relationship with your ex, let it go. Yes, it ultimately didn’t work out, but I am guessing that you had some really good times. Perhaps you have even learned some things about yourself that will help you in future relationships.

4. Self-doubt.

You may not realize that when you're feeling depressed after a breakup, it’s because you're feeling so badly about yourself.


If you're left by someone, you question why you weren’t good enough. If you do the leaving, you wonder what's wrong with you that you can’t find a steady relationship.

You truly believe you're flawed in some deep way that you'll never be happy with someone and get the things you want in your life.

Let me tell you, there's nothing wrong with you. Yes, you weren’t well-matched with your ex, but that doesn’t mean you are flawed.

Of course, I encourage everyone to take a good look at themselves and see what they've learned over the course of the relationship. But that doesn’t mean that you are damaged or unloveable in any way. Just that you, like everyone, are a work in progress and a human being.


You are how you are. If someone doesn’t see how amazing you are, they aren’t worthy of you. If you chose a partner in error, remember we all make mistakes.

The important thing is to pick yourself back up, have faith in yourself and your ability to connect, and keep on looking for your happily ever after! You are absolutely worthy of a happily ever after!

5. Other issues in your life.

One of the things people really don’t notice when they're feeling depressed after a breakup is that there is a whole lot of depressing stuff going on in the world. And those things make your depression worse.


So, ask yourself, "Am I struggling with more than a broken heart?" If the answer is yes, understand that part of the depression that you are feeling are those things and not just your broken heart!

Think about what you've been struggling with these days other than your breakup. Are some of those things you haven’t dealt with because focusing on your broken heart was easier?

Feeling depressed after a breakup is totally natural. It’s not fun, but it’s natural.

It's surprising that oftentimes what you feel is making you so depressed — the end of your relationship — is not necessarily the only thing that is making you depressed.

The world is a hard place to cope with these days, and there could be other issues affecting your breakup and how you're dealing with a broken heart.


So, as you ride out your broken heart, know that you will get through this time and out the other side better than ever!

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Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based certified life and love coach. Let her help you find, and keep, love in this crazy world in which we live. Email her and get started!