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Breakups can be devastating, but they don't have to destroy you.
By Mitzi Bockmann — Written on Apr 09, 2020
Is there anything harder to do than letting go of a past love?
Learning how to move on from an ex and let go of the past is more difficult than people realize. You were in a relationship with this person, you loved them, and now you have to leave them behind. It's not easy.
Do the memories of the happiness you felt in that relationship keep you from moving on with your life and being happy?
If your answer is yes, then you are like many people in the world, people who are crippled by their broken heart and unable to get past it.
But letting go of a past love is crucial to your happiness here and now as well as your chances of being happy in the future.
Here are 5 reasons why you need to learn to let go of the past and move on from a failed relationship so you can be happy again:
1. Your sadness is holding you back.
One thing about sadness and depression is that it holds you back from living fully.
Do you find that you would rather stay home, feeling sad, waiting hopefully to hear from your person? Do your friends find you tiresome to be with because all you can do is talk about your ex and so they no longer invite you out?
Do you find, if you are out, that you have a hard time having fun because you are preoccupied with thoughts of your ex?
It's hard to be happy and live your life fully if you're stuck in the past. Thoughts of what were, and might have been, keep you from looking at the life you are living right now, and appreciating things that are wonderful.
If you don’t notice the world around you, if you don’t engage in it fully, you can never find the happiness you seek.
2. That baggage is really heavy.
One of the most important reasons that letting go of a past love is crucial to your happiness is because of the weight of the baggage.
Unfortunately, bad relationships can cause you a significant amount of damage. You might stop trusting people, become sensitive to the things other people did that are like your ex, and even feel easily abandoned or not worthy of love.
Only once you accept and work through the issues that cause "baggage" will you be able to accept your new relationship and put the old one in the rearview mirror.
3. Living in the past will keep you from finding love again.
Do you want to find someone to love who will love you completely? Are you struggling to find that person in spite of how much you would like to?
Unfortunately, it will be literally impossible to find someone new if you're obsessing about your ex. If you spend all your time staying home depressed or, when you're out, not picking up your head and seeing what's out there, then even if someone does come along you might not see them.
It's important that you put your energy out there as a single, available person in the world, not someone who is mired in misery because of a past break up.
4. Extreme emotions are bad for you.
One thing I know about letting go of a past love is that it’s fraught with big emotions.
You feel anger, sadness, despair, hopelessness, self-loathing and insecurity. Those feelings can all coexist or come and go separately from each other. And those emotions can suck the life out of you.
Feeling extreme emotions can be very debilitating. The long term damage caused to your body and mind by anger and sadness is quite profound.
Many people don’t realize that your muscles absorb your emotions, especially if you're stuffing them down. This can lead to physical problems, such as a sore back or a frozen shoulder or worse.
Your mind can get exhausted by the constant barrage of feelings and you could have a hard time concentrating. The thoughts in your head could keep you from sleeping, which isn’t good for anyone.
If you're in pain, consider the fact that letting go of a past love is the best thing that you can do for both your mental and physical health.
5. You can keep your friends.
When going through a breakup, your friends are a valuable resource. They love you unconditionally and want to support you through your pain. They are willing to listen, to assure you that your ex is horrible and remind you how amazing you are.
Getting through breakups without friends is very difficult.
Unfortunately, sometimes there is a statute of limitations that your friends put on their willingness to support you through a breakup. The threshold can change but sooner or later, your friends might tell you to get over it and let it go, that it’s time to move on and live your life.
And, when you don’t or can’t do that, they get sick of it and choose not to spend time with you. Not having your friends is a horrible thing in any situation and especially when you're feeling vulnerable from a breakup.
So, an excellent reason that letting go of a past love is crucial is that you will keep your friendships intact. After all, your people were with you before your ex, and will be with you long after. How lucky are you?
Letting go of a past love is absolutely crucial to moving forward and being happy.
I know that it’s really hard to do and it does take some effort, sometimes a lot of effort, but it can happen and, when it does, you will have a real shot at being happy. And people who are happy attract other people who are happy so living happily ever after isn’t just a possibility!
How great would that be?
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Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based certified life coach and mental health advocate who works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live. Contact her for help or send her an email.
This article was originally published at Let Your Dreams Begin. Reprinted with permission from the author.