Love, Self

5 Questions To Ask Yourself Before Breaking Up With A Toxic Boyfriend

Photo: getty
How To Break Up With Someone You Love When You’re In A Toxic Relationship

Are you wondering how to break up with someone you love because you're in a toxic relationship?

In unhealthy relationships, no one wins. 

When is it time to break up? Are you scared about what's going to happen next because your toxic love makes you feel nothing but pain? 

RELATED: 10 Huge Things You Need To Know About Leaving A Toxic Relationship

Breaking up and letting go of someone you love is a very hard thing to do. Much like the hope that a coma victim will wake up, the hope of resurrecting lost love is one that’s hard to let go of.

So, have you been wondering to yourself, "Should I break up with my boyfriend?" 

How do you decide and make that decision so you can move on and find someone better?

Here are 5 questions to ask yourself if you want to break up with someone you love when you're in a toxic relationship.

1. Do you still have fun together?

The first question to ask yourself is, "Do we still have fun together?"

You probably did in the beginning. You would stay up late at night talking about things. You would go on grand adventures and enjoy just being together and laughing.

Do you still do that regularly? Perhaps the initial excitement has tapered off some but do you still enjoy each other’s company? Does your heart skip a beat when he walks into the room? Do you choose time with each other, more often than not, over time with others?

If the fun is gone from your relationship, then it might be time to get out. Once problems start we always hope that we can get to that exciting beginning place but if the fun and enjoyment are gone, it’s hard to replace.

2. Is he giving you mixed messages?

Is your man alternating hot and cold? Some days, he seems to act like his loving self. But, on others, he is crabby and distant and no fun to be with.

Unless your man has bipolar disorder, a man who is playing up and down with his woman is a man no longer interested.

If a man wants something, particularly a woman, he will move heaven and earth to get it. If your man only wants you some days and not others, then he isn’t making any effort at all to keep you.

So, unless your man is always hot for you, let him go.

3. Does he have nothing to give you?

Having a man who runs hot and cold can be very upsetting. Even worse, but harder to spot, is a man who gives you nothing.

Has your man stopped asking how you are doing? Has he stopped asking you out on dates or bringing home the groceries or including you in activities with his friends? Does he no longer listen when you talk or seem to care at all about what you think?

A man like this is a man who has nothing left to give to the woman he used to love. Unfortunately, for many women, when they are trying to save a relationship that was once so promising, they become so obsessed with saving it that they don’t notice how little of it still exists.

They will talk more to fill in the silences left by the absence of questions. They will invite themselves along on outings they weren’t invited to. They will plan things that the two of them can do together. As a result, women don’t notice that their man has completely checked out.

So, take a moment and think about your relationship. What has your man done for you lately? If the list is short then it’s time to let him go.

RELATED: 7 Important Reminders For People Letting Go Of A Toxic Relationship

4. Does history keep repeating itself?

Are you and your guy stuck in a cycle of good and bad, up and down, highs and lows? Are there days when things feel almost like they used to and then days when things are so bad that you want to cry?

Does your man tell you that he needs space and disappear only to reappear a few weeks later telling you how much he misses you? Do you fight over the same subjects over and over? Are you stuck in a cycle of misery?

If you find yourself in these kinds of patterns, where things are never constantly good but rather a roller coaster of emotions that is sucking you dry, then it’s time to let go.

5. Are you staying for the wrong reasons? 

Be honest. Do you sometimes think that you just can’t let this guy go because you believe if you do that you will never love or be loved, again?

Do you think about going back on or attending the Christmas party alone and feel nothing but dread at the prospect?

If you are feeling this way, then it’s definitely time to let go of your man. If you are staying in a toxic relationship because you are worried that there won’t ever be someone else then you are staying with him for the wrong reasons.

There will be another love out there for you, but you will never find him if you are stuck in a relationship that isn’t making you happy. If you can let go of this one, then you will set yourself up — physically and energetically — to find that person who will love you forever.

If you've been asking yourself, "Should we break up?", it's because you suspect, deep down, the relationship you're in isn't the one for you.

It's hard to admit this and even harder to let go.

But, it is essential — for your mental health and the health of your future love life — that you pay hard attention to whether it’s time to let go of a lost love.

Do you guys still have fun? Is he treating you well and consistently? Are you worried you will never love again?

Ask yourself these questions and, if the answers fit, be determined to let go of your lost love.

You can do this!

RELATED: How To Leave A Toxic Relationship When You're Still In Love

Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. She works with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world. Email her or visit her website, and get started getting out of your miserable relationship.

This article was originally published at Let Your Dreams Begin. Reprinted with permission from the author.