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Strengthen your bonds through survival.
By Mitzi Bockmann — Written on Dec 18, 2020
There are many things that can make a relationship stronger, but going through a crisis is one of those things that can absolutely make your relationship bulletproof.
Here we are, in the middle of a global crisis on so many levels.
Between COVID, a wild election year, protests, riots, hurricanes, and forest fires, the world feels like it’s running out of control — and there is no turning back. And that is petrifying.
While you can’t control what is happening in the world (mostly), what you can control is your relationship and how you navigate this craziness together.
Doing so successfully will only make a relationship stronger, one that can get through anything and move forward in an even more loving way.
Here are 5 ways surviving a crisis together can make a relationship stronger.
1. You'll come together.
You know the last time you went through a crisis, and you had to go through it alone? Wasn’t it a lonely struggle, one that was exhausting at times?
Are you now facing the current crisis with a partner at your side? Do you feel stronger and more able to take on anything because you know there is someone who has your back unconditionally?
This tendency to unite in the face of a crisis is what can make a relationship stronger. For many couples, crisis draws them together in ways no one can really expect.
Perhaps you're both just going about your daily lives, busy, hoping to make some changes, juggling work, friends, and family. When COVID hit, your lives changed completely.
Maybe you started working from home; your social life dried up. It's just the two of you, in your apartment, facing this new world together.
Getting through this anxiety-filled time can make your relationship so much stronger. Having someone's support at the beginning, when there were so many unknowns, is something you might not have been able to do without.
2. You'll support each other in small ways.
For many of us modern folk, we work really hard to be self-reliant. You want to believe you don’t need anyone or anything, and that you can handle whatever comes your way on your own.
A crisis like the one you're going through now has shifted that idea. There are so many things to manage, many of them things in your own home that you didn’t have to manage before.
There's working from home, homeschooling kids, cooking instead of eating out, keeping the house clean enough, in spite of all of the people in residence, and so much more.
What I have discovered is that people are, like never before, supporting each other in small ways.
Before COVID, I had a daily list of what I needed to get done. I work from home, so I often just worked my chores into my day.
Most days, I couldn’t get it all done because there was just too much. My boyfriend can never help, because he would work all day and come home tired.
Now, with my boyfriend home, he's stepped up to support me in small ways. He empties the cat box, vacuums out my car, stacks wood, and rakes the leaves. All things that were, in normal times, totally my responsibility.
I know that having him there to support me in small ways — to do a few things to take them off my shoulders — has made me feel much closer to him. I truly appreciate what he does, and it makes me want to do things for him in return.
3. You'll touch more.
One of the things that happens, whether you like it or not, is that when you're in someone’s physical presence, you just touch more.
Whether it’s touching in the close quarters of the kitchen, sitting side by side on the couch while catching up on emails, or staying in bed just a little bit longer because of the lack of commute, physical touch has increased a thousandfold in many relationships.
And you know that there's nothing that can make a relationship stronger than loving, physical touch.
4. You'll have empathy.
My boyfriend is super-sensitive to any little thing that's wrong with his body. If he has a headache, backache, or a scratchy throat, he dramatically takes to the couch to convalesce.
It drives me absolutely bonkers, because I ignore any aches or pains in my body and just push through. I got 20 wasp stings after stepping on a nest, and I took a shower and then made dinner, pushing the (incredible) pain away, because dinner had to be made.
During the time of COVID, I've become more empathetic to my boyfriend’s sensitivities. He's very worried about contracting it, so when he starts to complain about being tired or run down, instead of rolling my eyes and walking away, I acknowledge how he feels and bring him a cup of tea on the couch.
In turn, he has true empathy for the fact that I, who am always on the road, am stuck at home. He recognizes how challenging it has been for me to share a house with three grown men, 24/7.
Our mutual empathy for what we're struggling through during this crisis has definitely drawn us closer.
5. You'll share success.
I know the COVID crisis is far from over. The second wave is hitting us and many more people are getting sick and dying.
Personally, we have been spared in our little corner of the woods, but we still know people who have been sickened, and our lives are affected by it every single day.
What I do know is when the crisis is over and life gets somewhat back to normal, my boyfriend and I will sit on our porch, drinking a gin and tonic, damn proud of the work that we did to get through it.
We've worked together to keep our family strong, our finances on track, our mental health steady enough and our connection to each other intact.
It hasn’t been easy, and it’s not over yet, but I know that for us — and for all of you — getting through this and out the other side is going to be something that will keep our relationship strong.
It’s interesting how surviving a crisis together can keep a relationship strong.
Think about any disaster movie you have ever seen. Often times, the hero and the heroine are estranged lovers.
Their lives have been complicated and they have separated. And then the earthquake, tidal wave, or alien creature hits, and they are drawn together to overcome the odds and save the world.
And as a result, the final scene of the movie is them, covered with blood and dirt, sharing a passionate reunion kiss.
Much like in the movies, this crisis will keep your relationship strong.
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Mitzi Bockmann is an NYC-based certified life coach and mental health advocate. She works exclusively with women to help them to be all that they want to be in this crazy world in which we live. Contact her for help or send her an email.
This article was originally published at Let Your Dreams Begin. Reprinted with permission from the author.