Love, Self

7 Tips For Getting Back In The Sack After A Hiatus

So, you’ve found yourself treading into that oh-so-vulnerable territory of becoming sexually active again after a bit of a dry spell.

Perhaps you’re cautiously re-entering the dating scene after ending a long-term relationship. Or maybe you’re eager for things to get hot and heavy sex  after being out of the swing of things for a bit. Stress. Kids. Work. Tension. We’ve all been there.

Whatever the scenario, you realize that negotiating this realm can be dangerous if you are meeting new partners (yes, STDs are ever present!) and even after protection is navigated –your vulnerability is at an all time high. Getting naked, emotionally and physically, can be incredibly intimidating.

It’s easy to revert back to the insecurity of your teenage years. Suddenly you feel awkward and are fumbling around. Understandably, you feel completely out of touch with your sexiest self, let alone your (new) partner!

It’s time for you to have the fun (and pleasure) you deserve!

As you venture into this exciting, yet daunting, territory, we offer the following tips to support you on this adventure:

1. Get your safety on lockdown. 
Okay, so there is a reason why this is the first suggestion on this list. Seriously. DO NOT mess around with your health and safety. Everyone deserves to have a fulfilling and electric sex life, but everyone deserves good health, too! So, wrap it up. If you are new to condoms Lucky Bloke can help. Respect yourself. Respect your partner.

If you don’t know where to begin order their Condom Sampler. It is an international assortment of the best condoms available.  You can have it delivered just once or monthly. Lucky Bloke is totally flexible.

Safety. Pleasure. You are set. There is no excuse, so be prepared. 

2. Be yourself. 
I can’t express how unattractive and unsexy it is when someone is trying too damn hard to be smooth. Try this: be authentic. Be you. It’s far sexier to be vulnerable with your partner than to put on a show. No one needs to know all your dirty laundry, but a little honesty will serve you. And… give you a bit of grace with your partner.

3. Give yourself permission to be new at this.
One of the scariest things about getting back in the sack is getting so consumed with your own performance that you don’t even have a good time. What if you were to just enjoy the night? What if this was truly about experiencing some of beauties of humanity? How can you make this experience fun? Laugh at yourself. Enjoy your partner. If you aren’t the end-all-be-all lover, well then, there is room for improvement. Embrace it. Tomorrow is a new day.

4. Pay attention to your partner’s signals.
One of the luxuries of having one consistent partner (over a long period of time) is learning all the aspects that please that person. It’s easy to function on auto-pilot after awhile. If you are learning to get in synch with your partner, it’s going to take some exploring and awareness on your part. One of the greatest turn-ons is seeing your partner turned on, so pay attention!

5. Groom yourself.
Yes, everyone has different preferences. But porn from 2012 looks a bit different than porn from the 60s – and for a reason. You get my point.

6. Express your needs with tact.
Everyone has their own personal interests, tastes, and desires. There is a way to express your desires and still make your partner feel valued and respected. If you master this art, you will be blown away with your partner’s desire to please you. Well, unless they dig a firm scolding… [Grin]. Again, you get my point.

7. Have fun!
Listen to your intuition. Be mindful of your protection and health, but most of all enjoy! Yes, lighten up. It will be as serious or as daunting as you make it…If you are tuned into giving and receiving pleasure…that is what you will get…


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Lucky Bloke extends a huge thank you to our friend in adventure and safety (and guest writer) Amy E. Smith. Amy is a certified and credentialed personal and couples life coach specializing in making intimate relationships joyful and thrilling.

Learn more about her work and snag some great freebies at