By Lisa Steadman — Written on Jun 01, 2010
No longer confined or constrained in a relationship with Mr. Wrong, you’re now free to reinvent any and all areas of your life that no longer work for you. They include:
Your Career
With the pain of your breakup behind you and your healing heart on the mend, you now have the good fortune of time, space, and energy to devote to professional pursuits. Want to land a promotion? Put some of your savvy skills to good use, taking the lead on highly visible projects, sharing new ideas and solutions with your boss and/or team, and approaching your daily work life with renewed enthusiasm. Chances are your efforts will be noticed and eventually pay off! And if you work for yourself, now’s the time to rock your business by scoring a new client, educating yourself on your competitors and how you can provide added value, or launching a brand-new entrepreneurial endeavor. At this unique time in your life, the sky’s the limit when it comes to exploring exciting professional opportunities you may not have had the time or energy for during your last relationship.
Your Social Life
Now that you’re footloose and fancy free, how do you want to reinvent your social life? While it’s true that you may spend the occasional Saturday night alone now that you’re single, your social life shouldn’t have to suffer just because your ex is no longer in the picture. What fab and fun activities do you want to incorporate into your routine? If you’ve got single friends, take turns organizing fun activities on the weekends including going out dancing, renting movies and staying in, attending singles events, and putting yourself in target rich environments on a regular basis.
If you’re the only single person in your social circle, now’s the time to expand your horizons. Attend networking events, volunteer opportunities, or community activities where you can meet like minded people, hopefully some of whom will be single. And no, you don’t have to give up your happily hooked up friends. You can still enjoy their company. But if your only social interaction outside of work is surrounded by people who haven’t been single in years, and whose conversations center around birthday parties with jumpy castles, who gave who the chicken pox, and who’s kid just did something amazing, you may start feeling like an outcast.
That’s why you’ve got to find some soul sisters who are single. It’s important to have a social circle who gets what you’re going through and can celebrate your triumphs (getting hit on by that cutie you always see at Starbucks, that fantastic Friday night makeout session with Mr. Next, and finding the perfect third date outfit) as well as commiserate over the occasional singles setback (your crush not returning your last call, the internet date gone awry, finding your ex on Facebook with photos of the new girl in his life, etc.).
Your Home
They say every man’s home is his castle. As the Queen of your Castle, how do you want to reinvent your home now that you’re footloose and fancy free? If you and your ex lived together and you’re now reinventing yourself and your once-shared space, it’s essential that you give your home a much-needed makeover. Paint the walls vibrant colors. Get new furniture. Invest in making your home the ultimate bachelorette pad, complete with stocked cocktail bar, plasma TV, and luxurious bedroom.
If after the breakup you were the one to relocate, how do you want to re-create your space so that your focus is firmly on your fab future? Be sure to surround yourself with art, imagery, and inspired objects that make you feel good. Build yourself a single gal shrine complete with affirmations, a vision board, and any other accessories that will remind you how fabulous being single really is, as well as what you’d like to manifest in your romantic future. Like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon, a new and improved you is unfolding day by day. Give her the space, nurturing, and opportunity to spread her beautiful wings and fly.
Your Mind/Body/Spirit
Be honest. Does being single sometimes feel like a life sentence? Does it feel like something you have to endure indefinitely, hopelessly suffer through, in hopes of one day getting real relief when Mr. Right shows up? If you answered yes to any of the above, don’t beat yourself up. Millions of single women who have come before you have felt the exact same way. And when they were introduced to a saucy little secret via their fellow fab females, everything changed.
Want to know that secret?
The key to unlocking your prison cell is to free yourself. Sound corny? Keep reading. Start by celebrating who you are right this very minute, learning to nurture your mind, body, and spirit. And no, you don’t have to be a Zen master to achieve this. Simply start by tuning in to your internal thoughts, feelings, and beliefs on a daily basis. Listen to your inner dialogue. If you notice repeated negative beliefs, see if you can reframe them into more positive ones. For example, if you constantly find yourself thinking I hate being single or When it comes to love, everyone else seems to get it right. Why can’t I? it’s time to reframe those thoughts. Again, ask a better question. For example, shift from I hate being single to What can I do today to enjoy being single more? The answers that come may surprise you. And the subtle shifts that follow can do wonders for your outlook on your single and ready to mingle life.
A New Passion
Do you have a deep-seated desire that’s never quite come to light? Is there something you’re secretly passionate about, yet up to now that passion has been lying dormant and unexplored? From a lurking hobby to an internal compass-directed passion, now is your chance to step aside and let your true desires unfold. Everyone’s personal passion is different. It can be as simple as knowing you want to go back to school but feeling afraid to go for it. Or hearing a small voice inside telling you it’s time to switch careers. Or maybe you’ve always had a fascination with the ocean, would secretly love to get certified as a scuba diver, but have never expressed it out of fear, doubt, insecurity (Don’t worry about how you’ll look in a wetsuit. Just go for it!).
One of the most exquisite gifts being single affords you is the opportunity to call all the shots. You decide how your money gets spent, what you give your time and energy to, and how you live your life. Sometimes having so much choice can feel overwhelming. But the truth is, your freedom is a gift. Don’t squander it, convinced it’s a burden. Cherish it. Celebrate it! And give yourself permission to become that amazing woman you secretly know you are. This is your chance to be self-indulgent and self-nurturing (not to mention bold). What are you waiting for?!
To help celebrate the new Y-O-U that’s emerging, pick up a copy of If He's Not The One, Who Is?: What Went Wrong - and What It Takes to Find Mr. Right. And share your comments here.