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By Doren Weinstein — Written on Aug 25, 2016
Men, are you tired of always being the one who initiates sex all the time in your relationship? Do you wonder why your woman never makes the first move or puts her hand down your pants?
Well, let me warn you — there are times and places to ask your woman that legitimate question: Why?
But I promise you ... when you want sex or while you're in bed together is NOT one of those times or places. (Try bringing it up respectfully over dinner when she is not so exposed — literally — or feeling fragile.)
You see, asking a woman why she doesn't initiate sex is like asking her why her breasts never filled out or why she doesn't suck dick better. The question itself is heavy enough to crush even the strongest of egos.
It is completely understandable to ask the question. BUT, before you do, let me share with you some very valid reasons most women don't initiate sex:
1. She needs intimacy first.
The female body needs a bit of tender loving care to fully open up.
Has your woman ever said that she's feeling a lack of connection or closeness with you? Do you feel her withdrawing from you? If this sounds familiar, it's completely understandable why she's not initiating (and even turning you down). Why would she open herself up in the most vulnerable way to someone she doesn't feel safely connected to?
Intimacy is a huge factor in her desire for sex. HUGE! If this issue is not tended to, don't act surprised if your penis is never touched. Yes, intimacy does take time (and re-building intimacy takes even more time). Intimacy involves connection, respect, communication, and honesty. Any healthy relationship has to have these four things present if you want sex.
2. She thinks you aren't in the mood.
OK, I realize this sounds ridiculous and you're probably wondering if your woman knows you at all. But, this is a real thing. It is totally real.
Woman's egos can be very fragile (just as much as any man's). Especially when it comes to putting themselves out there sexually. Most women are raised to believe that if they make the first move, they're a slut. So, if their man is not initiating, there must be something wrong: They're not sexy, not attractive enough, they did something wrong. She certainly would not risk further rejection by initiating sex, so she opts out altogether.
3. She's relieved she's not being pursued.
Now, this one may be confusing. But there are times when it can be nice not to be pursued. It's hard to feel like making a move if there is never an opportunity (a.k.a. YOU are always after her for sex). It can be important for a woman to not constantly feel pursued. Make some room for her to actually initiate.
4. She's annoyed with one-sided sex.
It's rare that a woman would be interested in a wham-bam-thank-you-man situation. Mutual foreplay, a build up, a wanting desire is pretty much a shoe in. Sex should be like a wonderfully engaging conversation between bodies.
Both bodies need attention, touch the way each person likes to experience it. Auto pilot sex is not connective. Who wants to carry on a one-sided conversation? There would be no incentive for a woman to initiate sex if that is what is coming (no pun intended).
5. She's unsure of how to verbalize it.
Women understand that it is equally their responsibility to initiate sex (or at least, they should). But, how to do that is a totally different issue. Sure, she could offer an invitation, but what if it's not done right and her man doesn't pick up on the signs. Initiating can feel like a slippery slope. The idea of trying to initiate sex again and keep pursuing can seem really scary.
There is definitely pressure on you, the man, to initiate sex.
However, remember the key points to relieve that pressure: A women needs to: feel connected to you, feel like you want her not just a vagina, be an equal opportunity sexual partner, and remember she could just feel really nervous.
