Are You Holding Onto Relationship Resentment?

Why it's imperative to forgive your ex before moving on.


Are you struggling to release some of that pent up anger you’ve been feeling toward your ex? Did he betray you? Lie to you? Intentionally (at least that’s how it feels) break your heart?

I get it. You are harboring some deep resentment and honestly I don’t blame you. But ask yourself, “Who are you really hurting by holding onto these feelings?”

It’s not your ex. He’s probably long gone having fun with someone else. Sorry, I know that might sting but chances are he decided to move on and so should you.


So what’s a girl to do with all those crazy, hateful feelings?

I know you don’t want to hear this but you need to find peace. To get yourself to a place where you can not only understand what happened but ultimately forgive the situation including forgiving your ex, who yes, I know betrayed you.

I know this sounds backwards. Why should you do the forgiving? I understand. Really I do. When you think about how he hurt you, my bet is you are thinking about all the ways you can hurt him back. Yes?

The answer is actually quite simple. If you can’t find it in your heart to forgive, you can’t truly move forward. Well, you can but chances are those negative “feelings” you are harboring are going to be projected onto the next man you date. Seriously, how fair is that?


So, do yourself a favor and wallow in your emotions. Express them. Scream, rant, cry, do whatever it takes to get rid of that stagnant negative energy. But make sure you give yourself a deadline. There is no gain in throwing yourself a pity party for days.

Next, remove yourself from the situation that has caused you so much angst so you can look at it clearly. Remember, you are only responsible for your thoughts and actions and have no control over why he hurt and betrayed you. He could be going through something too and his actions might be a reflection of his own internal pain. Most men are not inherently evil and do not set out to break your heart. His actions may have nothing to do with you. His inability to communicate effectively or the way he deals with his own raw emotions is not your responsibility.

Last but not least, you must practice forgiveness. Katherine Ponder said, “When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”

Remember, forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting but you must find peace with his actions and your feelings. Life is too damn short to hold onto past pain. It never serves us well.


I want to hear from you. Are you in a situation where you are having a hard time letting go? Are you in the process of practicing forgiveness? Share your thoughts and feelings here. And if you have any suggestions that have helped you move on, please throw them in the comments. You may be helping someone else.