Self, Sex

Is The Grass Really Greener On The Other Side?

Is the Grass Really Greener on the Other Side?

I coach a lot of people who are in a state of dissatisfaction with something in their lives.

Their marriages are not what they used to be, their jobs are not what they expected, their kids are not behaving with respect, and they wonder what it would be like to live a completely different life. They imagine themselves somewhere else - with a different spouse, or without a partner all together, living in a different house or a different country, going to a different job, and living without the day to day responsibility of taking care of their kids. They look at people who live like this and they feel slighted with their lot in life.

This is not what they pictured for themselves when they were younger. They thought it would be more fulfilling, more exciting, and far less mediocre. The gap between what they imagined and what they are, in fact, experiencing is too big to ignore.

So they begin to consider their options. Get divorced? Have an affair? Find a new career? Sell their home? Get a motorcycle? Not only does the search begin, but so does the experimenting with substances, gambling, thrill seeking activities, and outside sexual adventures on the hunt for more 'passion and affection'. For a while, it breaks up the monotony and injects a bit of spice into their routine. They feel young again and full of vigour but still something is missing. After a short while they find themselves dissatisfied once more. They don't understand why the new job didn't work out or the affair didn't last or the motorcycle didn't give them the thrill they were seeking for any extended period of time.

Here is the answer... when people travel over to the other side where the grass is greener, there is something that follows them... themselves. And this is inescapable. So they become confused, agitated, and in a fog about where they are, where they have come from and which direction to go from here. They don't understand that if they don't really address their Frame of Mind, their troubles follow them wherever they go. They keep chasing some elusive thing, that doesn't actually exist out there but rather is born from one's own thinking and mindset. If one lives a life of purpose, whatever that means, agitation and dissatisfaction is a far distance away. You really don't need to change your home or your car or your spouse in order to experience passion or meaning. You need to come to the table equipped with enough of it so that you can even spread it around.

The key lesson is this... the grass in NEVER greener anywhere else. The grass, wherever you are, is only ever as green as your own passion, meaning, and vision allow it to be. If your own grass is not as green as you would like it to be, understand that it's a function of the lens you are looking through. If you want to experience a different life, before you make a major change, try changing your lens first. Do the work that is necessary to feel passionate, regardless of circumstance. Pick up the skill set that allows you to use your mindset to create the life that you always imagined.

Is it worth it? You can spend a life time of looking for greener pastures only to continue to find them in someone else's backyard or find a way to be a better gardener and grow the greenest yard in your neighbourhood! You decide.  

Kim Ades, MBA is president and founder of Frame of Mind Coaching and JournalEngine™ Software. Author, speaker, entrepreneur, coach, and mother of 5, Kim is one of North America’s foremost experts on performance through thought management. By using her unique process of coaching through journaling, she works with clients to unveil and switch their thought patterns to ignite significant change and life transformation. For a free online journal, visit

This article was originally published at Reprinted with permission from the author.