Love, Sex

3 Self-Empowering Steps To A Sexier Sex Life

sexy vixen sprawled across bed

Are you bored in the bedroom? Becoming more sexually assertive can be one of the easiest and fastest ways to get more of what you want from your sex life. If you are ready to take ownership of your pleasure and turn up the heat between the sheets, here are a few simple tips that can empower you to create the pleasurable sexual experiences you deserve and desire.

1. Own your pleasure. Know your body is a necessity when it comes to fulfilling sexual experiences. You cannot rely on your partner to "get it right" because you'll often be left disappointed. Your pleasure is your job and that is even the case when with a partner; knowing what you want and being able to share it is the best way to get the job done.

Exploring your own sexual likes, dislikes and desires through masturbation can be the perfect way to discover your preferences. Then, share that information with your partner to be used during partner sex. Consider experimenting with various techniques, toys and timing. If you are new to self-pleasuring, know that it is a healthy and important aspect of your sexuality. Start slow, or consider mutual masturbation where you and your partner practice self-pleasuring together.

2. Be grateful and encourage one another. We all like to hear "thank you," words of appreciation and encouragement. The same applies to sex. Actually, sexual performance can be an area of great insecurity for some, so expressions of gratitude can be especially helpful in these instances. When your partner takes your feedback and applies it in ways that please you, tell him/her!

Communicating appreciation and positive feedback during and after sex can be a powerful way to continue getting more of what you want. It can be as simple as saying, "I love it when you whisper in my ear," or "Thank you for spending some extra time with foreplay today; it really helped warm me up!"1

3. Initiate. Take charge! When you are feeling frisky, don't wait for your partner to initiate … do it yourself So often couples end up in conflict around the issue of sex due to miscommunication about desire. While flirting and other indirect tactics can be fun, they can also be misinterpreted. Communicate about how your partner likes to have sex initiated and follow through with direct, clear communication. Remember to ask for what you want, when you want it and give your partner the opportunity to accept the invitation.

Follow author and licensed psychotherapist Keri Nola on Facebook and Twitter for more tips on inspired living and relating.

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