3 Tiny Signs Your Insecure Friend Is Sabotaging Your Relationship
Your BFF may be ruining your chances of finding love.
bernardbodo | Canva Emotionally healthy, confident men won’t be drawn to you if your insecure and toxic friends drain your energy and sabotage your self-esteem. Knowing how to attract men means understanding that he values a woman who respects herself, and that requires respectful friends. She knows her value without constant reminders. This man wants a woman who exudes confidence and happiness before he enters the picture. A good, confident man is not looking for a “project.” “You complete me” was just a cheesy line in a Tom Cruise movie. The confident man is already complete and looking for an equal partner to expand his life with. He’s not interested in a woman who needs constant compliments to avoid circling the self-esteem drain.
You don’t even have to be in the presence of your friend for her toxic energy to influence yours. She brings out your insecurities and lowers your energetic magnetism to a dangerous level. If a man does latch onto you while you are with your toxic friends, or feeling badly about yourself, beware. He may be looking for someone weaker than he feels. A woman he can abuse — verbally, mentally, emotionally, or physically. He thinks you won’t call him on it because you don’t feel worthy of anything better. After all, look how you let your friend treat you. Men who mistreat women can tell a good candidate by her insecurity. Just like a confident man can tell if you are a good match for him by your confidence. This is serious stuff! Here are a few ways to tell if your insecure friend is contradicting her BFF talk and becoming toxic to your life.
Here are 3 signs your insecure friend is sabotaging:
1. She ignores you the minute she gets attention from someone else
Or makes you the butt of her jokes. Do you find yourself saying, “That’s just the way she is," or, "She doesn’t mean anything by it.”? Making excuses for why someone treats you poorly is disrespecting yourself, condoning their bad behavior, and actively lowering your self-esteem. Confident men want to be your hero like all men do. The difference is, they want you to be your hero first. They love that you protect your confidence and stand up for yourself with intelligent choices.
2. She shares her problems then disappears when you have one
Or she belittles your problems and turns the conversation back to hers. This is a one-sided friendship. She can barely hold herself up and is in no condition to help you. It doesn’t make her a bad person, just not a good fit as a friend right now. You should feel good about yourself when you are with a friend. A confident man wants a woman who refuses to be a doormat for other people.
3. She falsely accuses or blames you
Her stories of why you did it are so convoluted you may pity her but watch out. That just gives her the power fix she was looking for. It puts her in control of you feeling bad and yet, she still doesn’t feel better about herself. She feels worse because positive results don’t come from negative actions. However, that flash of feeling powerful is enough incentive for her to throw you under the bus in the future. If your friend shows one or more of these warning signs, there are a few things you can do:
- If you have offered to help but she continues to drain you, limit or eliminate your time together. Otherwise, you could find yourself circling the self-esteem drain side-by-side.
- To have the confident, happy love life you want, you must take care of yourself. Holding onto toxic people keeps you stuck. Nurture your solo self until you attract empowering friends.
- Allow yourself to become the woman you’re meant to be: confident, happy, and free. And then magnetize a love that sets your soul on fire.
Letting go of friends can be scary and hard to do, but no true friend would get in the way of you finding true love. Rip the Band-Aid off, and once you do, you'll see how easily love finds its way to you.
Kelly Rudolph is a Certified Life Coach and Hypnotherapist who helps her clients manage stress and experience personal growth through greater confidence.