How I Found My Confidence As A Cougar After My Husband's Death

Self, Heartbreak

"A lot of people perceive women as sexy based on their outer appeal. But there's no way to mistake if a woman is confident." -Trey Songz

There is always a window of opportunity, it's just whether you're ready or not to open it. I was single for about a year and a half after my husband's sudden death. The first six months were devastating and filled with grief.

Once the cloud of sadness began to lift, I embarked on my journey of finding my new self and forgotten confidence. I was still a mother, sister, daughter and friend, but I was no longer a wife. I found this to be scary, yet liberating. I realized that dwelling on the past was a waste of time. Time took on a new meaning and importance.

Who was I? I had a need to discover my passions and improve the person I ignored for the past few decades by focusing on my family. I loved being a wife and full-time mother of three, but it was now MY time. I realized that going out to dinner with my married friends was comforting, but I needed more excitement. I discovered that trying to date the single men who I knew for years was not going to work. I was going to have to step out of my comfort zone and into the unknown singles world.

I took an inventory of my mental and physical assets and deficits and I found that exercise helped me in both areas. Reading self-help books and seeing a therapist were both beneficial, but talking to other widows and divorcees was what I craved. They gave me tips from their years of dating as an older chick.

I loved the attention I received when I went to singles bars. I felt like a teenager with an added bonus, which was the experience I obtained from being in a successful marriage. I loved myself and had been loved.

I ventured out with single women and enjoyed the freedom that comes with being unattached. I felt comfortable talking to guys as they approached me in restaurants or bars. I wasn't looking for my next husband; I was just out to have FUN and find a companion or two along the way.

My secret to my becoming this free-spirited woman can be summed up in one word: C.O.U.G.A.R. No, I wasn't looking to de-flower young, innocent men as the stigma implied; I was evolving into a Confident, Older, Unique, Genuine, Assertive, and Racy woman.

I felt confident in the knowledge that I was a good, intelligent, fun person with many attributes. I was older and wise with experience in multiple areas—marriage, family, travel, work, and sex. I focused on my unique positive qualities and pushed aside my insecurities.

Subscribe to our newsletter.

Join now for YourTango's trending articles, top expert advice and personal horoscopes delivered straight to your inbox each morning.

I refused to miss an opportunity to meet a new man by waiting for him to approach me. I was assertive and initiated conversations in coffee shops, gyms, and grocery stores without hesitation. Men seemed to be attracted to me because of the energy that I exuded.

Did I dress sexy and youthful? Hell yes. Was I comfortable talking to men about any racy subject? Of course I was. I decided that the race, religion, or age of the men I met was not a factor in my quest for companionship. I didn't look for a man who fit societal norms; I was completely reliant on my intuition. This was very empowering. Were younger and older men attracted to the woman I had become?

What do you think? A new Cougar had emerged. Check out my videos about older women dating on my YouTube Channel: The KarenLee Poter Show. Read further about my definition of COUGAR on my website.