Love, Self

The #1 Critical Thing Your Man Needs In Your Relationship (But Is Nervous To Tell You)

There is so much heated back-and-forth debate about what men and women each need in a relationship, and the truth is — we do handle our feelings and getting our needs met differently.

Some of us address emotions head on. But doing that in a healthy way requires a healthy level of what psychologists call "emotional intelligence."

In other words, it's one thing to EXPRESS your feelings, but it's an entirely different thing to do so with a healthy awareness of how it impacts the people in your life to hear those feelings. Sharing your thoughts and emotions openly is just one part of a complex equation ... doing so with empathy and tact is another. 

According to Psychology Today, Emotional Intelligence (Or, EI)  involves three skills:

1. Emotional awareness, including the ability to identify your own emotions and those of others;

2. The ability to harness emotions and apply them to tasks like thinking and problems solving;

3. The ability to manage emotions, including the ability to regulate your own emotions, and the ability to cheer up or calm down another person.

An important aspect of cultivating EI is recognizing that the harmony in your relationship is impacted by your own internal state. If you're tired, feeling hangry and physically fatigued versus feeling relaxed and rested, this interferes with how well you interact with (and make sense to) your partner. You end up filtering your partner's words and actions through the lens of your own physical and emotional experience.

And nothing causes a fight faster between a couple than trying to have an important conversation in a moment when one (or both) of you is not at your best.

In a relationship, you're offered millions of moments to interact with your partner. Some of these moments are as mundane as saying "hello" after a long day or "goodbye" on the way out the door. Other moments mean a lot more.

TIMING is everything in communication, and it's one of the most important skill couples must learn to read between the lines and sense when an important discussion just came up.  

So, how do you know WHEN to talk to your guy? 

We took this question to the love doc himself, Dr. John Gray, and his response takes us to school (once again) about to best way to talk to your man.

Check out his blunt, but spot on, advice in the video above. Write it down and remember it. Because, if you want your relationship to thrive (even during tired, stressed-out moments), you must know what your man needs from you to connect. It's not enough to ask him to share his feelings (or to listen to yours), YOU have to create the right environment and connection for sharing.  

Will you ever perfect this? Probably not. BUT you can reduce the number of fights you have by learning how to avoid bad timing.

After you check out the video above, if you want to see all of the relationship support services John offers, visit and keep an eye out for his latest book "Conscious Men: A Practical Guide to Develop 12 Qualities of the New Masculinity", a great holiday gift for the special men in your life.

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