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It’s easy to judge when it’s not YOUR partner ...
By Jessica M. Miller — Written on Jul 13, 2015
Well, Kourtney Kardashian has kicked the Lord’s royal highness out on his a$$.
Like most of you, I formed my own opinion a LONG time ago about their relationship. Between the drunken nights and the multiple cheating allegations, it was too easy to judge the h*ll of out this couple.
I've never been in a relationship with an addict, yet I still felt entitled to form an opinion about KK and SD. (It's nearly impossible not to have an opinion because we’re a species that LOVES to put everything in it’s properly defined box.)
BUT what would it be like if we extended compassion, rather than shame or judgment to those who stand by their addicted partner?
“The Non-Tolerators” like myself, would have to broaden our minds in order to understand what it would be like in the situation. Consider the why behind the choice to stay rather than hyper-focus on the reasons why we would NEVER put up with that sh*t.
“The One More Chancers” would think twice about rooting for the addict and wishing for the fairytale ending — they’d think about the one that stands beside the addict and suffers in silence.
“The Believers” that hold strong religious convictions, would open their hearts to other possibilities, rather than simply sticking with their rigid thinking about "the right thing to do".
There’s actually A TON that we don’t know when it comes to why partners like Kourtney stay with struggling partners like Scott. Here are the top ten things you don't consider when you judge a 'stayer':
- They suffer at times more than their addicted partner. Just imagine having to watch your one-and-only repeatedly self-sabotage.
- Addictions are progressive — they don’t happen overnight. This gives 'stayers' the ability to build a tolerance to the loads of BS they have to take in.
- Being married to an addict is VERY lonely. You get passed up for your partner’s drug of choice all the time, and after a while people stop wanting to talk about it.
- Religious convictions riddle them with guilt. What does “in sickness and health really mean?”
- Yes, they do worry about the poor parental role-modeling taking place. A LOT!
- They’re scared that their partner won’t survive if they left.
- The thought of separating and the inability to protect their children 100 percent of the time terrifies them.
- For most, this is the only life they have ever known. Typically, a child raised by a parent that's an addict will marry an addict.
- They're financially freaked out.
- They're in love with a partner that happens to be in love with a substance.
Now hopefully the next time we see a Kourtney and Scott scenario play out, we can take a step back and view their situation with a less critical eye.
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