When Flirting Goes Too Far

Does your man flirt with your friends ... or is he just being friendly?

couple flirting bar

In a recent interview with the Huffington Post, both Kendall and Kylie Jenner state that their number one dating deal breaker would be their guy flirting with their best friend. Sounds reasonable enough, right? After all, who wants their man making eyes at someone else, especially a gal pal? You cannot dispute the heartache and humiliation that follows suit.

However, some girls cannot seem to tell the difference between a guy flirting and one who's just being friendly. They rule any favorable contact with another female as grounds for dismissal. So, the question is, how do you know if your guy is really flirting with your friend or if you're just feeling insecure about your relationship?


John M, a 25-year-old business graduate, says his friendly manner has definitely been misread by a past girlfriend. "Some of us males are super loyal. It's our girlfriends and their friends that put us in situations that are out of our control, and we get in trouble for it."

For some women, having their man pay any attention at all to another girl makes them uncomfortable and suspicious, but just because a guy is polite and engaging, doesn't necessarily mean he's hitting on your friends. Rocky Parrish, who is happily involved in his relationship, has been wrongly accused in the past for being too nice and too complimentary to his ex's friends. "I'm always going to be me," he says. "And if being nice, and friendly, or telling someone they look good is bad, it's the jealous one's problem ... not mine."


So ,how can you figure out if you should be concerned with your boyfriend's friendly behavior? Some girls flip out at the first sign of a wandering eye, but you should really be more concerned with the pattern your man displays than anything else. If your guy tries to make your single friend feel good by complimenting her dress one night, let it go. If he makes flirty remarks about her appearance every time he sees her,  you may have a problem. Keep reading ...

More flirting advice from YourTango:

As I talk about in my new book, Was it Something I Said?: The answer to all your dating dilemmas, the proof is in the pattern. You have to allow enough evaluation time to pass in order to truly see a man's character. That means not screaming foul at the first sign of a wink and a smile.

Matthew Strickler, a Senior Contracts Manager, dodged a flirting accusation early on in his relationship because his then girlfriend (and now wife) knew he was a good guy. "I was friendly with a bunch of her friends at a party we co-hosted once. I wasn't risque or overtly flirty ... I was just trying to make everyone feel comfortable and help with introductions. Later I find out that my girlfriend's best friend tells her I was flirting and touchy-feely with every woman in the house. I thought, "Wow. What?" To be guy-appropriate I'm supposed to sit still, drink my beer, and shut up? Bad standard when most women I know say they wish their fellas would open up a bit more."


The lesson is clear. Being friendly towards girlfriends is not the first sign of danger. Even if a guy is being a little flirty, it does not mean he is going to be unfaithful, and most of the time, it is that very fear that causes women to overreact to friendly behavior. Unless your man is overly flirtatious on a regular basis, there's little need to whine or worry. Observe him over time and don't make snap judgments. You have to give your guy a little room to breath, or else you just may suffocate him.

Now, if you have found your guy to be in constant contact with a friend or an ex, that is a whole other story. Find out how to approach him about it the right way, so you can determine if he's still worth your time.


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