How I Found Freedom By 'Firing' My Own Mother

How I decided to stop listening to my mother's voice in my head.

By Jean Walters — Last updated on Dec 28, 2023

Photo: Bricolage / Shutterstock

For the most part, our mothers mean well and do their best. But no matter how well-intended they may be, some of us have bad relationships due to our mothers' choices.

Some of us even have a nagging sense of fear or shame because of the "voices" of our moms that still echo in our minds.

My mother’s best was to remain on high alert for danger and threat. She believed that was the best way to raise me.

That pretty much meant that she saw the world through fear-tainted eyes, which included distrust of ethnic groups, people in general, new situations (almost everything), dark threats in the night, and lots of "what ifs."

This is not to say that she wasn’t a loving, generous mother, because she was. It is to say that she had lots of issues and hang-ups that translated to fear-based ideas with the intention that she was keeping her children safe.

The day I decided to "fire" my mother

The day I noticed that I had to rid myself of my mother's fearful voice inside my head was like any other, I was out shopping.

On a whim, I decided that I wanted a new blue skirt. Thus, I proceeded to the nearest department store to purchase one.

With nothing more than the thought of disbursing money toward "another" blue skirt, I heard my later mother’s voice in my mind.

You know how it is, everyone has voices in their head. Especially of people who are foundational to who we are, like our parents.

They are the programmed ideas and beliefs you were handed in life.

"This is good."

"That's bad."

"Watch out for that!"

"Be afraid of that!"

For some folks, it went as far as, "You’ll never amount to anything," "Don’t ever look stupid/take a risk/ jump out of the familiar box and never make a mistake!"

My mother had many of these edicts and rules. I would have to say that the program she instilled was a dominant one.

On this particular day, while I was shopping, I caught the program as it entered my mind.

"You don’t need a blue skirt," she ranted.

As her judgmental voice sounded in my mind, I reacted with anger. I rebelled.

I am not going to live out of fear and neediness. I am going after what I want and right now, I want a blue skirt.

(Need seemed to be the rule in our home when it came to purchases: Do you need it? Don’t buy anything unless you truly need it.)

I found myself in the middle of the department store, I found myself in an argument with my mother — who wasn’t even there.

Even though the whole idea sounds hysterically funny, I was dead serious about refusing my mother’s fear-based thought system. So, there we were.

Mom: You already have two blue skirts.

Me: I will have as many blue skirts as I want. Maybe I’ll buy a dozen blue skirts.

With that, I grabbed the skirt from the rack and threw it on the check-out counter. I am buying this skirt and I don’t need it — so there!

If it sounds like a kid rebelling against their parent, that is exactly what I was doing. I was rebelling against the fear, lack, and limitation I had grown up with.

I was calling it quits on that program and replacing it with another one.

I was choosing to live in abundance, love, expansion, and limitlessness. I was declaring my freedom from a tyrannical mindset that would attempt to keep me small.

Mom, you are fired. You are not allowed to bring your negative program into my mind again.

And that was when I banished a whole series of limited, small, irrational, fear-based belief systems.

Of course, the other end of this scenario is that I had to replace the old programs, beliefs, and ideas with new ones that more clearly appropriated what I wanted. Easy-peasy!

Once I caught on to the process, I knew what to do.