How To Have An Orgasm When You Think You Can't

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Spice Up Your Sex Life - #1 Piece of Advice From a Sex Therapist

The brain is the most powerful organ when it comes to having powerful orgasms.

Struggling with negative thoughts about your performance or worrying about whether or not you will achieve critical mass can stifle your ability to have the kind of orgasm you want.

While it takes time and practice, learning to identify negative thoughts and stopping them in their tracks can help you reach more satisfying ends. You can learn how to stop worrying about how to have an orgasm and start having some fun:

1. Just remember, you are fine just the way you are.  

There is nothing wrong with how you look, with how you smell, or with what you fantasize about.

2. Stop worrying about how long it takes you to get there.

Instead of focusing on goals (leave that for the office), shift your attention to sensation. Make it a priority to focus on sensuality and go in search of experiencing the range of pleasure your body holds.

That way, your brain can be working for your orgasm and not against it.

3. Stay present.

If you find that you are thinking about how long is this going to take, refocus and start to use your 5 senses. Pay attention to how your body feels when you stroke yourself or when your partner sensually touches you.

Be curious and notice the sound and smell of your sexual pleasure.

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4. Put the technology away.

If you find you are having trouble having an orgasm, and don't even know where to start, put your phone down and start exploring the pleasurable parts of your body once and for all.

5. Don't think about having an orgasm.

It is normal not to have an orgasm via intercourse. I can’t stress this enough. You are normal. There is nothing wrong with you or your body.

In fact, you can still have an enjoyable experience without an orgasm.

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6. Use lube.

There is no reason to believe the hype that lube is bad. Lube is awesome. It totally enhances sexual pleasure. Just stay away from lubes that have additives.

7. Start talking about sex.

Whether you journal about your sexual beliefs or chat with your significant other about what you think and feel about sex, you are on the right track. You will gain more clarity and insight about what you like and need to feel good about yourself, your body, and your relationships.

Most of all, stay positive. Balance your negative thoughts with some pleasurable thoughts. Don’t take yourself too seriously. Having an orgasm is all about relaxing the body and letting go. Go ahead, start today.

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Dr. Janet Brito is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist at the Center for Sexual and Reproductive Health in Honolulu, HI. For more information about their services, explore their website or call (808) 225-2780 today.