What Does It Take To Fall In Love?
Time will tell, and here's how you'll know.
Angelika Agibalova on Unsplash If you’ve been dating someone new and you're in the those first exciting stages of a relationship, after a while it's common tow wonder how and when you'll know if he's the one and you're both falling in love.
Dating apps have made it easier to initially meet people, but that doesn't necessarily make it easier to tell when you're really meant for one another.
And when you finally meet someone you're confident you really do like, that's often the most anxious love stage of all. How can you tell if this is something that’s going to last or not?
With this in mind, here are three signs that will give you a solid indicator of where things — or aren't going — and what it will take for you both to fall in love.
1. Chemistry
If you’ve ever been under the overwhelming effect of chemistry then you know already how long it takes to fall in love.
Chemistry is almost instantaneous. It’s a feeling you can’t deny.
The problem with chemistry is it’s not foolproof. How many times have you had chemistry with someone and they broke your heart?
Chemistry may give you the sensation of falling in love, but it is far different than being in love. For that, we’re going to need more information, which brings us to number two.
2. Compatibility
The rarefied air you breathe when you finally meet someone you have chemistry with is intoxicating. It can lead you to believe that the hard work of boring dates is over.
And to a certain degree, it is, but now the real work begins, because now you have to find out if you’re compatible.
Compatibility means that your lives fit together.
Do you both want to live in a similar location? Do you both have similar relationship goals? For example, do you both want marriage and children?
The reason compatibility is so important is that falling in love is a feeling. Being in love is a decision.
To this point, compatibility always trumps chemistry. If you have chemistry with someone who lives in Peru, unless you’re planning to move to Peru, the compatibility aspect of your relationship will be its demise.
Falling in love is a decision and one of the most important you’ll ever make. Which brings us to number three.
3. Communication
Falling in love could lead you to believe that harsh words will never be spoken. In fact, if the chemistry is strong enough you don’t have to say anything.
And yet as much as we enjoy falling in love at the end of the day we want to be heard and we want to be known. This requires communication. Communication means, the ability to ask for what you want and say no to what you don’t want.
People who know how to love, know how to communicate. They don’t expect to get their way every time, and they’re willing to negotiate with you.
The harder truth about love is it takes time. It takes time for someone to build a trustworthy record with you. It takes a year to truly get to know someone.
But, that does not mean the journey isn’t worth it, in fact, it is the most rewarding thing there is.
Without chemistry we will never make it, it is that special gift that sparks something in us that makes us want to explore love.
Compatibility gives us a chance to explore this chemistry. Falling in love is a feeling, being in love is a decision.
Communication is a conversation that doesn’t end. It means we keep coming back to the table even on the bad days. Relationships aren't built on the good days, they are built on the bad days.
To a certain extent, how long it takes to fall in love is a moment-to-moment decision based on chemistry, compatibility, and communication. It is a measure of our integrity and how committed we are to the journey, regardless of the turns it takes.
It is not how long it takes to fall in love that matters, it’s who we become in the process.
James Allen Hanrahan is a frequent contributor to YourTango and a highly sought after relationship coach for smart, strong, and successful women based in Los Angeles. If you're a smart woman struggling to achieve relationship success, visit his calendar and check out the treasure trove of information he offers in Dating Advice for Alpha Women.