A brief look into what it's like to be in the lifestyle.
By Jaime Richards — Written on Nov 16, 2011
Swinging (or, "The Lifestyle") is a topic of conversation that comes up with my clients from time to time, but only after a strong relationship of trust is established with me, since most people consider the topic to be "taboo". Since it's rarely discussed, I decided it was time. After all, since our society (I hope) can now accept Homosexuality with openness, and there's a reality show called "Sister Wives", I think that Swinging should also be added to the list of sexual preferences that people learn about. We're not talking about 1950's "wife swapping", folks.
I consider it healthy and introspective when my clients ask themselves honestly whether they think that they can exist harmoniously in a sexually monogamous relationship for the rest of their lives. This goes for men and women, who both have fantasies and interest in sexual variety. Why do we know that? Because 73% of men and women in monogamous relationships admit to having extramarital affairs (Kasidie.magazine.com). It makes me wonder...what's worse for these folks that can't keep it in their pants? Deceit, or openly communicating with their spouse while out looking for sexual variety together? Some couples golf...I guess others just swing.
So, I wondered, who are these people...demographically? According to the same article, they're typically in their 30's, many have college degrees, 72% are religious, most have been married for over 10 years, and claim to have an "exciting life" and "happy marriage" that exceeds the sentiments for the general population.
Is it worth investigating? I think anything is worth learning about. What I have learned by interviewing couples in the lifestyle is that they seem to believe that some people have "the gene". When asked what that was, the answer ranges from lack of jealousy to "the ability to separate sex from emotion", to what they simply called "being evolved".
Think you might be a candidate for swinging? Check out websites like Adult Friend Finder, Lifestyle Lounge, SLS, and Kasidie.com. Read, Learn, and for goodness sakes, if you're already in a solid relationship, do the research WITH your partner.
The one thing that seemed aligned for all Lifestylers I talked to was that the community does not tolerate deceit or support becoming involved with couples who were in unhealthy relationships. They'll accept most whatever else floats your boat, as long as the people involved are healthy and happy.
If you're single and looking to date someone who aligns with your sexual preferences (like having regular threesomes, foursomes or other forms of play), I highly suggest niche online dating for you! Don't expect to meet someone on a mainstream dating website and then plan to convert them. This type of preference is one best sniffed out in advance.