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An affair is devastating, but it might just be what your relationship needs.
By C. Mellie Smith — Written on Apr 27, 2018
There’s no doubt about the devastation that infidelity can cause to a relationship.
Yet, in some cases, it’s also possible that an affair can be the best thing for a couple. When two people consider it to be a turning point, cheating can actually become a positive opportunity for growth and change, even if it doesn't appear that way at first.
Here are 3 surprising reasons why cheating could actually be good for your relationship:
1. It's a big red warning sign.
Some women and men are blindsided by infidelity. Here they were, busy raising children or providing for a family and assuming that everything was all right.
Imagine Suzy catching her husband Dave and his mistress Kim sending flirty text messages about their last encounter. Suzy would tell you it was like being hit by a lightning bolt. One minute, everything was fine and the next minute, her world blew up. For couples like this, an affair is the big red flag that there’s a problem with the relationship.
Signs of unhappiness often exist under the radar. Two people are trying to put on a brave face or avoid confrontation. Problems fester and one person seeks the company of another to meet their needs.
When the affair is discovered, it brings a relationship’s latent problems into the light. It’s messy and ugly, to be sure. But it’s also one of the clearest signs that a relationship has gone off the rails.
If two people can see infidelity as a sign that something in their marriage broke, it becomes possible to look at the indiscretion as "for the best" despite its damage. Instead of an ending, an affair serves as a warning, a clarion call that urgent change is needed.
2. It will make your relationship better than ever.
We’ve all heard about those couples. They seem to be as rare as unicorns, but they do exist: they swear an affair brought them closer together. When infidelity hits, people have two choices — to end the relationship or stay and put the pieces back together.
For those couples who decide to try and mend it, it’s a long road. They must re-develop trust and establish healthy methods of communication. But when those efforts are successful, many couples say the affair may have been one of the best things to happen to them.
It forced them to really look at each other and their relationship and identify what went wrong.
They took active steps to repair and rebuild the foundation, making it possible to move forward and find continued happiness together.
Working through the after-effects of an affair requires honesty and a serious commitment. Imagine that Suzy and Dave decide that even though he had a fling with Kim, the two of them would stay married and work it out.
The two of them work out their problems with a qualified therapist. Suzy now understands that Dave felt neglected with all of the time she spent caring for the children and the household.
Dave now understands how Suzy felt like she carried all of the responsibility for home and family life, so much so that there was very little of herself left at the end of the day to share with him.
They still have a long way to go. But for Suzy and Dave, his affair forced them to consider the underlying problems in their relationship and how to fix them. Once they started working on their issues, individually and jointly, they were able to "start over".
3. It can show the end of the line.
For some couples, an affair brings them to a point where they can admit what they’ve both known for a long time: they would be happier apart. Staying together has become a habit as much as anything else.
Change is hard and choosing the unknown is especially challenging — especially when that means starting over. When one partner has an affair, it gives both people a real chance to stop and take stock of where they are in life.
An affair might be the impetus they need to finally admit this is the right time to sever the relationship.
Consider Dave’s mistress Kim. In her case, she and her boyfriend Jeff had both been unhappy in their relationship for some time. Jeff wanted kids while Kim didn't. He often traveled for work while she sat home feeling lonely and abandoned.
When Dave broke things off with Kim, she decided that it was time to come clean with Jeff. Kim and Jeff decided that their relationship has reached its end. The affair probably helped it along but if they were honest, neither was happy. The affair gave them both the freedom to end their relationship and move on.
No one would wish for an affair. But, in some cases, an affair is for the best. When couples view it as a warning sign that there are serious problems in their relationship, it could be a positive thing.
For couples who decide to stay together after infidelity, the work they do to rebuild the relationship can lead them to a stronger and more satisfying marriage where each person feels valued and respected and loved.
And for some couples, an affair is the "permission" they needed to finally break off a dead-end or otherwise unsatisfying relationship.
It’s rarely easy to see the silver lining when you’re in the midst of a life-changing event. But it’s important to realize that while things might seem bad at the time, it’s always possible for the negative to end up being a positive, even when an affair rocks your relationship.
C. Mellie Smith and her blog InfidelityHealng.com specializes in providing her readers with tips and tools to survive infidelity. With her expertise and studies, she hopes to help others rise from their struggles even stronger than before. You CAN get past this! Visit Infidelity Healing to get started building towards a happier, healthier marriage.