Guys' Top 5 (BS) Breakup Excuses

"I'm not ready for a relationship", "It's not you, it's me" and other copouts guys use to bail...


By GalTime Guy Marcus Osborne of Your Straight Male Friend

We guys take a lot of heat for …oh…I don’t know...everything. At least when it comes to relationships. I’m perfectly willing to debate topics and dispel rampant male mythology at anytime. Not that guys are perfect. Clearly we are not. There is some granular truth to common stereotypes about guys in relationships.

Men aren’t as open with their feelings.


Men don’t listen.

Men are selfish in bed.

Men are insensitive

Well, as accurate as many of those things may be at times, you would also have to concede that, at least from a generational standpoint, those things are changing. Younger men seem to be a bit better (or at least pretending to be better!) at all of the above than their more mature counterparts. But one thing seems to never change.

Break ups.

Guys just aren’t great at it. But I suppose you never want to be great at breaking up, right?

“Dude, I just broke up with my girlfriend. NAILED IT! High five!”

On the other hand, we can be guilty of not managing the situation very well. This generally comes from not wanting to make the situation any tougher than it already is. Inevitably you’re going to want to know “Why?” And there’s probably no answer that’s ever going to sufficiently answer that question. Because answering the first “why” leads to the next “why.” So some of us resort to being artfully disingenuous with a few tried and true break up excuses. So without further ado, and in no particular order, I give you GUYS' TOP 5 BREAKUP EXCUSES:


1. “I’m just too busy for a relationship.” Almost always BS. If a guy is into you. I mean really into you, he’s MAKING time. He’s FINDING time. He’s making sure that you know that it’s all about you. And he’s making sure you know that he doesn’t want you seeing anyone else but him. Too busy, huh? Funny…he’s wasn’t too busy to come by for that late night hook up. Or that mid day hook up. Or any kind of hook up. He found time to break headboards but no time to make a commitment. Too busy? I call BS.

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2. “It’s not about you, it’s about me.” Come on, who hasn’t used this one? What he means when he says it’s not about you, he means it’s all about you. For whatever reason, your time with him has run its course. You stopped floating his boat. And you know what? He probably just saved you a lot of time and heartache by bailing.

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3. “I can’t give you all the things you deserve.” This one is beautiful. Almost poetic. This guy's tortured, lovelorn soul can’t bear the guilt of not being all that someone as amazing as you deserves. He’s making the ultimate sacrifice, walking away from your relationship, to give you the chance at a better life with a guy he thinks would be all that you need and want. BS. That nonsense only happens in Sandra Bullock movies. But it sure makes him sound like a swell guy doesn't it? Making the grand gesture of putting your future first. And it sounds so romantic and generous. The truth? No dude really thinks the next guy is better than him, come on! Even if he DID feel some insecurity or inferiority, he's never going to admit it and walk away from someone he really and truly wants to be with.

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4. "I'm not ready for a relationship." BS. Most women don't know this, but this excuse has been partially redacted. The full, actual, statement is : "I'm not ready for a relationship...with you." Ohhh yeah. Ever go out with a guy and he tells you that he's not ready for a relationship? Then 4 months later...dude is engaged! He's ready now.

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5. And finally. This one isn't really an excuse per se. It's more of passive aggressive action. And upon reflection, it's one of those ones that both genders use, but I'm guessing that guys do it more. I call it, "The Fade." You already know what I'm talking about don't you?

"The Fade."

You're going out with someone, things are going well. And then as time goes on phone calls become less frequent. E-mails are short and to the point. Texts grind to a neck-snapping halt. It's suddenly difficult to keep plans because (gasp!) "Something suddenly came up." Eventually communication peters out and you slowly lose touch. No muss no fuss. No explaining. This is just good old fashioned wimping out. Works like a charm. Until that random day where you bump into each other and engage in that awkward exchange where you make plans to catch up that, by this point, neither of you really plans to follow up on.

Did I leave any off? What's the best(worst) break up excuse you've given or received? Share!