Do You Expect Too Much From Men?

Do You Expect Too Much From Men?

Have you every been frustrated when a man just doesn't "get it"?

Take John. He's strong, he's smart, he makes a good living, but he's emotionally unavailable. He doesn't like to talk about his feelings and he certainly doesn't like to talk about yours. You have a hard time feeling connected to him because he's not really a "connecting" kind of guy. How To Fall In Love With Mr. Good Enough

Then again, you could be with Jeff. He's an amazing communicator, as close to you as your best girl friend, but that's part of the problem. He overshares. He lets you know his anxieties and vulnerabilities. You always know where you stand with him, but sometimes you have a hard time respecting him. he just seems so weak and emotional. You want a man to inspire confidence.


What can you do to make these guys become the men you want them to be? Nothing. i wrote about this in a chapter of my book, "Why You're Still Single: Things Your Friends Would Tell You If You Promised Not to Get Mad" called Men Don't Go Both Ways. Men Don't Go Both Ways means that whether you're expecting the Marlboro Man to start sharing or expecting the Sensitive Artist to stop sharing, you're wasting your time. They're DIFFERENT guys with different strengths and weaknesses. Thus, as a woman, you have a choice: put up with the stoicism of a traditional man's man, or put up with the emotional rollercoaster of a sensitive guy. But your constant frustration that Marlboro Man "doesn't open up" or that Sensitive Artist is "too needy" is pretty futile. 10 Things Women Do That Men Really, Really Love


As a sensitive artist guy myself, I don't blindly defend the type. I know how exhausting it can be to date a man who wants to hash every little issue out like, well, a woman. I know that you can burn out on that kind of thing pretty quickly the way, well, we get burned out on overemotional women. But the reason that I'm writing this is that, at some point, you're going to have to make a CHOICE. And as a dating coach whose job is to help men and women understand each other, that's the thing that I see more than anything: nobody wants to make a choice between different people. No, we want our dates to be all things at all times.

The ideal man should be:

Strong and stoic, but sensitive and open to sharing.
Successful and ambitious, but not a workaholic.
Charismatic and charming, but not a player.

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Realize that these are all contradictions. Sensitive artists want to talk. Entrepreneurs will work past six. Charmers will exploit their skills with women. Expecting otherwise is useless. If you're with a sensitive guy, it isn't about your boyfriend "overcoming" his emotional neediness for your sake. Nope. He's a nice guy who treats you like gold and wants to know where he stands. The only person who has to overcome anything is YOU. You need to make a choice: to put up with his emotional neediness (as so many men do with so many women), OR to break up with him and find a new guy, knowing full well that the new guy may not be as emotionally available as the current guy. It's not a clear-cut decision, nor should it be. But don't expect guys to be all things at all times. That's just wishful thinking.