How To Respond To A Text From Your Ex

Photo: getty
How To Respond To A Text From Your Ex

You and your ex-boyfriend broke up a few weeks ago. Your heart is still hurting as you process your emotions. At the same time, you are striving to find acceptance even though you still love him very much.

As part of your healing journey, you have booked a beach vacation with your girlfriends to celebrate your newly found freedom. As the countdown begins for your trip, you are beginning to feel the excitement and a sense of relief from all the pain. 

While you are peacefully minding your own business and restoring your emotional health on the beach, your ex-boyfriend starts sending you text messages. You start to feel a mix of emotions about whether or not to reply to him. You know you are in a better place, but missing him is weighing on you because you have not fully closed the door on the connection and you find yourself wondering: should I text my ex?

And it’s okay to miss someone you love, but do you need to act on it?

RELATED: 7 Reasons Why Your Ex Texts You Out Of The Blue

Here's what to do after a breakup if your ex messages you.

1. Decide if this relationship has long-term potential.

You may be wondering how to determine if your relationship has long-term potential. You know you love him, but can your love go the distance? Will he hinder your growth or support a better future together?

The best way to decide if your relationship has long-term potential is to identify your relationship values and whether or not your ex-boyfriend can align with them. 

Relationship values decide longevity. 

Your relationship values are highly desirable beliefs that you cannot live without when it comes to seeking fulfillment within your relationship. Relationship values are, not limited to: trust, open communication, loyalty, integrity, honesty, respect, authenticity, etc.

We recommend choosing your top 5 relationship values to operate from on a day-to-day basis when deciding whether your ex-boyfriend has long-term potential. If he is unable to meet your values, it will be quite challenging to have a happy and healthy long-term relationship with him. 

2. Ask yourself if you ex-boyfriend has done anything to betray the relationship.

While every relationship has its fair share of tidal waves from time to time, there are certain waves to avoid surfing through. Disagreements are quite normal and sometimes even make a relationship stronger as they are turning point for growth. Understanding each other’s needs takes time before you can begin working as a collaborative partnership. 

And there are a few waves that we recommend ditching out on. If your ex-boyfriend is cheating on you, betraying your trust, compulsively lying, and/or is emotionally or physically abusive, then it is best to leave this relationship behind you. There’s no reason to keep swimming in open waters with no shore to stand on. You will want to avoid repeating history by leaving this relationship in the past. 

Remember, you are worth so much more. You deserve to be respectfully valued, receive unconditional love, be treated with kindness, and spoken to with honesty. Knowing your self-worth is imperative to receiving the love you desire with a partner. 

Subscribe to our newsletter.

Join now for YourTango's trending articles, top expert advice and personal horoscopes delivered straight to your inbox each morning.

RELATED: Why Your Ex Started Texting You Again, According To Astrology

3. Determine if they make false promises to you about the future.

Does he keep promising you the moon, but only giving you quicksand to sink in? If he says one thing and his actions say another, then more than likely he lacks integrity. And, there is a good chance he will not be able to meet your values and emotional needs if he hasn’t already this far.  

If he is just talking a good game, then you are better off walking. The best way to understand a man is through his actions.

A high-value man will do more than just send a text message or call you. He will physically make plans to show you he cares and wants you to be a part of his everyday life by giving you the things you deserve. And, that does not mean materialistic items. We are talking about sharing the basic fundamentals of a relationship, such as love, support, loyalty, integrity, and commitment. 

4. Establish if your family and friends support this person in your life.

If you have been in a relationship longer than six months, your family and friends have probably heard of him or have even met him by now. And when you talk to them, you are either sharing good or bad news about your relationship. Sooner or later they will begin to chime in on their thoughts about your ex-boyfriend. 

What is the verdict? 

Do your family and friends fully support your relationship or are they providing feedback that you can do better? Sometimes when you fully embrace an intimate relationship, you do not always see it for what it is. Love is a funny thing at times. 

Love can often lead you down a path where you did not intend to go because you are emotionally high from the honeymoon phase. Having outsiders who unconditionally love you, like friends and family, provide their insightful perspectives can often be helpful when one is blinded by romantic love. Trust that your family and friends have your back.

5. Rule out if he is just stringing you along or if he really loves you.

What do you think is the purpose of his text message? Do you feel he truly loves you and wants to work things out because the breakup was over something minor? Was your relationship stable prior to this break? Or is he just losing control because you are on vacation with your girlfriends and he is feeling territorial? 

You know him best. 

Chances are if it was a minor disagreement that led to the breakup and you have a healthy connection, then he may genuinely want to work through the differences within the relationship. On the contrary, if the relationship was unhealthy prior to the breakup and full of negativity, then he is more than likely just exerting control.

RELATED: If You Send Your Ex These 9 Texts, You're Not Getting Back Together

Jan and Jillian Yuhas, MA, MFT, CPC are Love and Lifestyle Coaches who help singles own their worth and attract and the love they deserve. Sign up for their Twins’ Tips newsletter and begin transforming your love life today.

This article was originally published at The Mind's Journal. Reprinted with permission from the author.