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An affair doesn’t mean he’s unhappy.
By Karen Finn — Written on Mar 11, 2019
Why do men cheat and still stay married? What makes a man decide that cheating and infidelity are worth the risk to his family's happiness? What about the risk of his wife finding out and wanting to file for divorce? It's hard to imagine why men cheat in their marriage when they have no plans to leave their current relationship.
Why married men cheat is a common concern. And, it goes hand-in-hand with the questions about respect between the genders that people still struggle with as a society. Cheating is a painful, marriage-ruining issue regardless of whether it's physical or emotional cheating that occurs.
There are many men who fall into the unfaithful category; men who have a paramour that their wife doesn't know about. And these men choose to stay married despite their infidelity. But just why exactly do these cheating spouses seek fulfillment outside of their marriages, knowing they will never leave, and risking all of the potential consequences, like a heartbreaking divorce?
Here are 3 possible reasons married men cheat when they have no intention of leaving their wives:
1. They still love their wives
Yet they need something more to feel good about themselves. That something more they crave could be excitement, support, sex, or any other need that they believe their wives are just not able to provide.
In some cases, they have asked their wives for what they need and for some reason, these men — either correctly or incorrectly — believe their wives have denied their requests, so they seek out this satisfaction elsewhere.
In other cases, the men have not asked their wives, believing and fearing that they'll judge them and deny their needs in an unpleasant way.
2. They are afraid to hurt their wives
Most of the men who fall into this category realize that if their wife discovered their infidelity, she would be very hurt. They try to cover up their illicit relationship because they don't want to reveal what they've been doing. But many women can intuitively spot the signs their husband is cheating and might notice their affair, regardless.
But despite the reason why men cheat, they're reluctant to admit to their affair because they believe it would cause their wife unnecessary pain.
3. They don’t want to deal with the financial implications of divorce
These men fear that their wives will divorce them when news of their infidelity is revealed. So, rather than come clean, they choose to continue having an affair with their mistress on the side.
Are these good reasons for why married men become cheaters and stay married? It’s not anyone's job to pass judgment and that’s not the purpose of this article, either.
The fact is that the men in this situation consistently give these reasons for why they do what they do instead of coming clean and dealing directly with their spouses about the cheating.
However, these reasons point out a serious breakdown in communication between the couples. And, in turn, this reflects the miscommunication and lack of respect between genders and gender orientation that is sadly still prevalent in this society.
Dr. Karen Finn is a divorce and life coach who helps people decide for themselves how they will survive infidelity. You can learn more about Karen and her work on her website.
This article was originally published at Dr. Karen Finn. Reprinted with permission from the author.