Sometimes conventional wisdom is all wrong.
By Susan Heitler — Written on Feb 24, 2015
Marriage is often considered as the most sacred union two people can achieve together. But is your marriage subscribing to socially-accepted falsities? Below are six very mistaken ideas about marriage. Are they a part of your beliefs? If so, better think again.
1. Marriage is about compromise. Compromise is lose/lose decision-making. If I want to live in California and you want to live in Massachusetts, we'll both be unhappy in Kansas. Instead, aim for win/win solutions. If you don't already know, learn how to find them.
2. "I'm right, you're wrong." That's an assumption that can sink your marriage ship. Instead, always assume that you both are intelligent people; that's part of why you chose each other. So, look for what's right in all your partner tells you. Put that together with your perspective and you'll both head for greater wisdom.
3. Don't go to bed mad. Actually, it's better to go to bed mad than to stay up late with fighting that gets worse and worse the more fatigued you both become. If you're heading for a disagreement, stop talking. Hit the pillows instead to get a good night's sleep. The problem will still be there in the morning, but with rest, it's easier to talk calmly and find solutions.
4. Old relationships inevitably get boring. Old relationships stay appealing and fun if a couple keeps finding appealing and fun activities to do, both together and alone. If you each keep your lives interesting, you'll find each other interesting, as well.
5. Your love is gone if seeing each other no longer sets off sexual sparks. Love involves perpetual discovery of new ways to enjoy sexual time together, even if, as it naturally happens, familiarity and age make initial arousal feelings gradually diminish. Really good marriage mates learn how to get the kindling lit so their sexual fires continue to flame.
6. If it's a good match, partnership should just flow naturally. No way, Jose. Partnering takes skills. Folks with smooth-flowing relationships have learned how to talk cooperatively, make decisions together collaboratively, clean up after upsets that enables them both to learn from their mistakes, send each other lots of positivity and interact with consistent goodwill and only the rarest of irritation.
