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This is what people mean when they say "it's a package deal."
By Christie Hartman — Written on May 22, 2018
These days, with the divorce rate hovering close to 50 percent, the likelihood of dating a single dad is pretty high. Dating a divorced dad has many unique challenges that you won’t face with childless men.
However, don’t be too quick to toss out that cute dad’s phone number. Each divorced dad is different, and you may find one you really connect with. If you meet a guy you like and he has kids, here are some things to consider:
1. The number of kids he has will affect your relationship BIG TIME.
If you’ve ever babysat, you know one kid is easier than three or four. More kids = more to keep track of. Also, older kids are easier than younger ones. They’re more independent, which means Dad has more time to spend with you. A divorced dad with 2-year-old twins has a lot more on his plate than one with a kid in college.
On the other hand, there are some benefits to younger kids: if your relationship turns into marriage, you can bond more with younger children and play a stronger parental role in their lives.
2. His kids are either angels or total brats.
Once you meet a divorced dad’s kids, pay attention to their behavior. Poorly behaved kids are a sign of trouble. Some kids will be slow to warm up to you, and even the sweetest kids have bad days and can be bratty or cranky at times.
But beware of children who disrespect you or their father, or who show consistent behavioral problems. Bad behavior often reflects ineffective parenting and other problems, and these problems will have a destructive effect on your relationship.
3. His parenting style might conflict with yours.
Every parent has a different parenting style. Some are strict, others more permissive. Ideally, his parenting style will mesh with your beliefs about how children should be raised. Otherwise, expect conflicts in the future.
4. Most of his time is devoted to his kids — and you must respect that.
The more parenting time a divorced dad has, the more his children will influence your relationship. There’s a difference between a divorced dad who has full custody because mom has serious issues and a divorced dad who only has his child during the summer. The former will have a lot more to deal with, and so will you.
5. Watch out for the case of the ex.
Unless the divorced dad is a widow, all children come with a mom. Hopefully, the single dad’s ex will be a reasonably nice person and he will have a good relationship with her.
If the ex is difficult, this will cause problems down the road. The divorced dad doesn’t have to get along with his ex all the time, but if their relationship is rocky or she is a mean or difficult person, this can create strain on your relationship.
Another important issue is you: Are you really cut out for dating a single dad? A man with kids has a lifetime obligation to those kids, and they will require his love, attention, and money. If you find you don’t like to share, or you just don’t like kids, that’s fine — it’s better to know this and avoid dating men with children, rather than put yourself in a situation that isn’t fair to you, him, or the kids.
Dating a divorced dad does have its challenges, but it can also be fulfilling. Every divorced dad’s situation is different; the key is to find the right situation for you. As you get to know him, take it slow, get to know him and his children, and be on the lookout for any red flags.
Christie Hartman is a psychologist, scientist, dating expert, and author who specializes in unraveling the scientific and psychological mysteries behind dating and attraction. Contact her for more information.
