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How can you go back to someone who betrayed you?
By Dr. Charles & Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz
Last updated on Apr 01, 2024
Cheating on a spouse is the ultimate form of betrayal. It destroys trust, which is the very core of any loving relationship. Unfortunately, we have rarely observed couples who have successfully rebuilt their relationship after infidelity. They may stick to the notion that "once a cheater, always a cheater." By nature, those who engage in infidelity are dishonest, disloyal, and lack moral strength within the relationship, so rebuilding trust is a nearly impossible task. Why? Because cheating in marriage fractures a wholesome, successful, and enduring relationship at its very foundation.
Infidelity destroys most relationships where it's present, make no mistake about that. Here's the blunt bottom line: there are NO excuses for infidelity. And there's no excuse for accepting it from your partner. It's an absolute deal-breaker — the first time, the second time, or anytime. Cheating on the one you love is the most unpardonable of all sins. When a spouse or lover violates the "core of trust" or the "bond of faith" in the relationship, the very heart of that relationship has likely been destroyed. Loving someone for a lifetime doesn't occur by accident. To keep love alive and thriving, both partners must do simple things, day in and day out, that nurture their relationship. In other words, you cannot betray the one you love and expect your marriage or relationship to survive happily.
It pains our hearts to see couples embrace the values of the Desperate Housewives, thinking it's okay to cheat on a loved one and everything will be fine afterward. It drives an arrow through our hearts to think that there are people engaged in a loving relationship who think betrayal is an offense for which there's forgiveness. The ultimate betrayal of the one you say you love is an unrecoverable act. Writers, therapists, counselors, and psychologists who suggest otherwise are not only fooling themselves, they're misleading those they claim to want to help. There's rarely EVER an authentic recovery from a relationship poisoned by cheating, betrayal, infidelity, and disloyalty. Those who have been successfully married for years know this is true. Don't be misled.
"Character" in marriage is real (and it matters!). To suggest otherwise is to ignore the basic tenets of successful relationships. Being honest and trustworthy is at the heart of all the best loving relationships we have studied. Those couples trust each other with their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor. The damage done by breaking that trust is just too great. The relationship will never be the same. So, we're saying that when it comes to the topic of cheating in marriage, "the buck stops here." Cheating is a deal-breaker.
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Dr. Charles and Dr. Elizabeth Schmitz are renowned love and marriage experts and multiple award-winning authors. Their best-selling book, Building A Love That Lasts, provides readers with insightful and practical tips from thousands of happily married couples.