11 Essential Divorce Professionals That Reduce Stress And Keep You On Track

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11 Essential Divorce Professionals That Reduce Stress And Keep You On Track
Family, Heartbreak

Divorce can be a stressful transition complicated by processes like child custody and divorce mediation. Fortunately, there are many professionals available for hire trained to help you make it through your divorce as easily as possible. 

No one wants to spend their time talking with divorce attorneys and feeling the stress of separating your life from your former spouse's. But divorce is common — and it's important that you learn which professionals will help you the most through this process.

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Going through a divorce requires that you make many decisions. Some of these decisions can be very challenging and emotionally-laden. Divorce requires that you think about aspects of your life that are changing and that you may have no expertise in.

There are many different types of professionals that are trained to educate and support you as you contemplate, begin the process, and ultimately go through a divorce.

Whenever you investigate professionals to support you during, before, or after your divorce, be sure to research the name and credentials of the person you’re interested in talking to.

You want to review their reputation, the kind of cases they work on, and the means and methods they work with (in-person or virtual as an example) to make sure that they're a good fit for you. It's always better to work with a professional that someone you know and trust has worked with.

Here are 11 essential divorce professionals who will help reduce your stress through the divorce process.

1. Divorce attorneys

The first professional group is family law attorneys. Traditionally, attorneys handle the complete divorce process and work with their clients from the beginning until the end of divorce.

However, many attorneys will do what is called “unbundled legal services.” That's when they do the legal paperwork for only a part of your divorce, rather than through the whole divorce. Or sometimes, they consult with clients who want legal information about certain aspects of divorce.

Typically, lawyers prefer to do a full divorce because they feel it's important for you to have full legal guidance to make sure it's handled correctly. This ideally reduces the rate of people who go back to court or contest their divorce later.

Also, attorneys make more money on full cases. Think carefully about whether it's important to you to work with an attorney throughout, or if you would prefer to use an attorney more as a consultant. Know that attorneys cannot represent you and your spouse in the divorce.

2. Divorce mediators

Similarly, divorce mediators can work with couples on parts of their divorce or through their whole divorce. Mediators are most often attorneys or mental health professionals, though individuals from other backgrounds can also be trained to mediate.

If you mediate your divorce, it's critical that you understand your attorney may not give you legal advice. They can tell you what a judge might say if your case went to court. However, if your mediator gives you actual legal advice, they're violating mediation ethics.

It's strongly advised that if you mediate, you have an attorney go over your divorce agreement before you file in order to make sure you're getting a fair contract. You and your spouse should use different attorneys to review the agreement your mediator has put together for you.

3. Divorce coaches

Divorce coaches can help you keep your sanity during your divorce by supporting and pushing you to think clearly while you make important decisions during your divorce process.

The primary task of divorce coaches is to be your thought companion. Typically, this happens in three ways.

First, they help you to come back into a thinking mode if you're letting emotions lead you down a path of decision-making or reactions that aren't in your best interest.

Second, they'll help you determine your goals for your divorce, remind you of those goals, and keep you calm during uncalm moments in the process.

Third, they organize questions and priorities for meetings with your attorney, mediator, or other divorce professionals. Divorce coaching is not therapy. It's focused specifically on the divorce process and getting through it in a healthy way.

Divorce coaches focus on helping you be your “best self.”

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4. Collaborative divorce facilitators

In different states, there are different names for this important role on the collaborative divorce team. These are known as CDFs or Neutral Mental Health Professionals (MNHPs), and you can check by state to see which you'll need.

CDFs are the ones responsible for keeping the divorce process moving forward, to slow it down when indicated, and to address the emotional aspects that interfere with clients working collaboratively.

This role is hugely important because emotions are what get people off track in making divorce-related decisions, including parenting plans. In many ways, the CDF job is parallel to that of a divorce coach.

CDFs set the agenda for the team collaborative meetings where all of the professionals and the clients meet together. They meet with the other professionals on the case, usually by phone, before team meetings to make sure they're all on the same page, and also after each team meeting to debrief.

5. Psychotherapists

Psychologists, clinical social workers, psychiatrists, licensed marriage and family therapists, and other mental health professionals support people going through a divorce by listening to their feelings, challenges, and thinking patterns, and encouraging them to learn, grow, and take care of themselves.

Work with psychotherapists is often insight-oriented to help you understand how you came to be in the current situation you're in.

When children in divorcing or divorced families work with psychotherapists, there's often a focus on supporting them to communicate with their parents about what they're feeling.

The therapist provides a conflict-free zone for children to explore the challenges of, and to have relief from, their families’ divorce.

6. Certified Divorce Financial Analysts (CDFAs)

Certified Divorce Financial Analysts work with couples or individuals to assess different ways that their money might be split, both according to alimony and child support guidelines.

If they work with individuals, they may help someone pitch an idea that's particularly to their advantage.

When they work with couples, either typically via mediation or collaborative divorce, they help couples work out the best solutions for their families, keeping both partners’ future interests equally in mind.

7. Real-estate divorce specialists

These professionals have learned about particular nuances unique to divorce. They work with divorcing clients so that both spouses’ needs and desires for their house sale are understood.

8. Certified Divorce Lending Professionals (CDLPs)

These folks know about the many subtleties of divorce. This is why it can be important to work with these mortgage lenders. If you're not certain about the situation regarding your home in a divorce, it's good to consult with CDLPs.

Sometimes couples can make arrangements to safeguard their plans, or they can learn that different plans are required than what they originally thought they might do. Working with mortgage lenders trained in the lending complications of divorcing couples can save time and potentially your home.

9. Child custody evaluators

Like CDFs, these professionals may have different titles in different states.

Custody evaluators must be licensed mental health therapists and typically have specialized training in divorce-related work. Their job is to represent the best interests of children in divorcing families according to state legal statutes.

Do your best to not need a custody evaluation. Divorcing couples that reach this stage are particularly high-conflict and need intervention primarily to determine their family’s parenting plan and aid in decision making because the parents cannot come to an agreement.

Custody evaluations are typically court-ordered, though they can be requested or agreed upon by divorcing parties. A "parenting plan" is the family’s schedule after they separate or divorce.

Decision making has to do with whether the parents can continue to make important decisions for their children together, or whether it would be better for one parent or family member to legally have the authority to make some or all such decisions.

The task of custody evaluators is to determine what's in the best interests of the children. For example, should they live with each parent an equal amount of time? If so, why? If not, why not, and what breakdown of time with each parent ought to be recommended to the court?

Are both parents capable of making decisions in the best interests of the children, or should one parent be awarded decision making on all topics? Custody evaluations take a lot of time and are very expensive and stressful for the families going through them.

Less than 25 percent of divorcing families are high conflict to the degree that they require custody evaluations.

10. Child-Family Investigators (CFIs)

CFIs basically do a mini custody-evaluation of children and parents in families where the courts have deemed it necessary to have an outside divorce professional investigate the family’s relationships.

This professional determines whether there is a danger to a child and whether it's in the children's best interests to have a different family schedule.

CFIs can be licensed mental health professionals and attorneys. Their job is to represent the children’s best interest to the court. They are called in for custody-related issues as are custody evaluators.

11. Parenting Coordinators-Decision Makers (PC/DMs)

PC/DMs are most often licensed mental health practitioners or attorneys who are appointed by courts to make decisions for families when divorced parents are unable to work together to do so.

Less than 20 percent of divorced families use PCDMs.

RELATED: What You Can Do As A Heartbroken Parent To Lessen The Effects Of Divorce On Your Children

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Joyce Fine, Ph.D. is a licensed clinical psychologist, certified divorce coach, collaborative divorce facilitator, and custody evaluator. For more information on how she can help with your divorce, visit her website here.