Photo: Jeremy Bishop | Unsplash
You control the creation of your destiny.
By Maxine Langdon Starr
Last updated on Jan 21, 2024
Women are still fighting for bodily autonomy, to earn equal pay, to have appropriate family leave, to find a work-life-personal balance, and to keep it together. Often, they will be forced to settle for another person’s agenda.
Of course, compromising is key in a relationship, but we do not want to get into a situation where someone else dictates our lives. We’re adults. We’ve had 18 years (or more) with our parents telling us when, where, and what to do (usually for good reason).
Plus, women don't need controlling men to dictate their lives.
Here are 5 traits of the women who never let a man control them.
1. They refuse to settle.
As a marriage and family therapist who also happens to be married herself, I have counseled thousands of single young adults hoping to find a compatible match.
It's been an observable pattern to see that once a woman refuses to do a 180 to please others or is dating someone who has nothing to offer (like the person is married or otherwise unavailable), she can find a match who will let her live the way she wants to live.
2. They accept themselves.
Yes, the good, the bad, and the ugly. We are all a work in progress. That’s why it’s called the journey of life — and not the destination. How do you talk to yourself when no one’s around? Do you think, "Wow, this dress looks good on me!" or "I can never look good, no matter how I try"?
We eventually become what we tell ourselves, and as an extension, we become who we most often spend time with. If you’re telling yourself that you deserve that promotion, you should be happy, or you are worth the good friends you have in life. No way will you let someone you’re with tell you any differently.
3. They value themselves and set appropriate limits.
This goes with the previous quality but is critical in terms of how you deem your worth. I’m not talking about being a total narcissist, but just respecting yourself.
If you're one fo these women, you listen to your needs and wants, and don’t let anyone try to convince you otherwise. If you’ve had a hard day at work and your date is trying to get you to go to a bar when all you want to do is stay in and take a hot bath, they should respect that.
You have enough self-worth, so you don't need to convince other people you should be validated — it comes from within.
4. They trust and stick to their intuition.
When something or someone doesn’t feel right, you listen to your gut. You pay attention to the little voice in your head that says, "Caution: Watch out. He’s had way too much to drink. Don’t go home with him. Call your friend to get you."
Photo: Jacob-Lund via Shutterstock
5. They know what they want and aren’t afraid to go after it.
You have goals and dreams and are on the path to achieving them. These goals don’t have to be scholastic; they can be about anything — from starting an online business to spending more days at the gym.
You know who you are and are busy chasing and planning your endeavors. You have a life and aren’t waiting for other people (or a love interest) to jumpstart or initiate your next steps.
These five qualities are inherent in women who understand that a relationship is not compensation for a hole in their lives. With support, more women role models for young girls, and more hard work in our society, women can know they, not any man, have control in creating their destiny.
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Maxine Langdon Starr, Ph.D., LMFT is a marriage and family therapist specializing in adolescents and young adults, partner/owner of Sunflower Therapies, professor of psychology at Brandman University, and motivational speaker on self-esteem.