Photo: getty
How I found confidence in love after divorce.
By Deb Boulanger — Written on Oct 26, 2018
I just turned 60 and I’m reveling in the fact that dating after divorce and finding love over 50 is the best kind of love. But sometimes, thinking you know how to find love when you've been out of the loop for so long can feel overwhelming.
Well for me, at 53, I finally found the confidence to leave a bad marriage. Letting go of that marriage allowed me to step into my power as a woman and get very clear on what I wanted in a man. That single act literally opened the door to experiencing the best love I have ever known.
When I think about that "newly single over 50 and looking for love" time in my life, I have to laugh. I didn’t know how to date in this brand new world of online dating and I heard so many horror stories from others about fakes, scammers, and addicts.
I’m a quick learner and in no time I got clear on the man I wanted in my life. I honed my filtering skills and became very discerning with who I spent my time with. I learned to trust myself and in trusting myself I found men I could trust who made excellent partners.
My love life after 50 has literally shown me the best relationship that I have ever known. Here’s why love is so much better after 50:
1. I make better choices.
Recognizing my mistakes in past relationships allowed me to see my pattern of falling for narcissists. Once I shed light on the things that I had been avoiding up until then, I was able to shift and change them.
2. I'm more confident about sex.
There’s good reason why women over 50 are chased by men in their 20s and 30s — we make excellent lovers! I have let go of my inhibitions in the bedroom. I make no apologies for seeking pleasure or giving it.
Sex is a divine right and can even be a spiritual practice that brings you to new dimensions if you allow it to.
3. I speak my mind.
Letting go of a bad marriage gave me more confidence than I imagined. After letting go of the marriage, I left a career that was suffocating me. That courage enabled me to start my own business.
It’s literally my job to call it like I see it. I no longer hide behind excuses or patterns and I don’t allow clients to either. In relationships, this means I ask for what I want and also express my gratitude and appreciation for my man every day.
4. I'm motivated to have fun.
The runway gets shorter after 50. I’m in great physical shape and want to leverage that strength to travel more, take more risks in my business, and push myself further just for the fun of it.
5. I'm willing to let go.
It sounds easy, but letting go is the hardest lesson of all — at least for this overachiever. I let go of striving. I let go of the concept that relationships are hard work.
If you are with the right partner, nothing could be further from the truth. Good relationships are easy because they flow. I let go of judgment for myself and my man. I show up every day being the best that I can be and he does too.
Dating after divorce can shake you to your core. All your insecurities bubble up. You don’t trust yourself. You feel like you are not enough. That you are too old, too fat, or all the good men are already taken.
Don’t be fooled by those mind traps. You can find a great love and a fabulous relationship if you only learn to trust yourself.
Deb Boulanger is a trained educator, seasoned corporate executive and certified holistic health coach. She is the creator of The Great Do-Over™, a six-stage process of transformation that results in complete and total personal reinvention.