Dear Women: We're All Sexy! So Let's Stop Tearing Each Other DOWN

Old, young, fat, skinny, Black or White, here's how to STOP being mean to our sisters.

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Imagine you are out and about enjoying your day getting your errands handled, dressed in your oh-so-comfy yoga pants with a big t-shirt (or your variation of an errand-running outfit), with your hair pulled back in a messy pony tail.

While standing in line at the grocery store a younger, rather sexy, tall female dressed to the nines in a form fitting perhaps not leaving much to the imagination —  outfit, with her makeup on, hair done and sporting amazing five inch heels, bleeps onto your radar screen ... as well as everyone else’s.


How do you respond?  

Think about that for a moment. Imagine yourself in any given situation where recently you were confronted by a younger, cuter, or maybe even older and sexier female.

Did you admire them, envy them, feel threatened by them, or immediately look for the flaws?


Did they inspire you, or did you feel like you wanted to hide?

If your significant other was around, did you feel insecure?

Be as honest as you can, because there is no greater place to truly address how you feel about yourself —  which reflects throughout your life, even your bank account —  than in your relationship to other women.

It has been said that when women dress, they aren’t thinking about what a man would like. More often than not, they are thinking about what other women will be wearing.


Yes, as women, we often dress sexy in the attempt to "out-sexy" the other females in the room!  

And, with this in mind, we are constantly assessing the ongoing threat every other woman is to those of us who are not quite a young, or perhaps a quite as cute or perky. Sometimes that makes women mean to each other. 

You might think that with age comes the wisdom and confidence to know better, but sadly in North America  and perhaps other places in the world  women become fearful of age, negating the perks and focusing on the idea that with time we lose our value.  

Yes, I am referring to face value, not the substance of the person underneath. But let’s face it, it would appear that we are judged solely by our face value when it comes to the media.


An average A-list celebrity spends $100,000 a year looking that good, magazines airbrush to where the images of women are inhuman, and eternal youth is worshipped.

As women, we are devalued systematically year after year!

What’s worse, as a community who are all dealing with the same challenges, the same insecurities, the same vulnerabilities, we can’t even depend on our “sisters” to have our back.

Perhaps I’m over emphasizing this, but as a woman, who has spent her life around many other women, I believe I am pretty much hitting the nail on the head.


Because I know how it feels to be that young girl staring down those who have gone before, and I also know what it's like to be the one who has stared at and put down those who were younger than me!


I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t admit it and I, like you, am a product of a society that raises women to compete with one another, rather than support each other. And this is a problem.


I was raised to believe that other women were my competition.

Aside from a few friends here and there whom I’m happy to say are still my friends today, I spent much of my life without much in the way of supportive, stable female friendships. In fact, I had much more of a bond with the males in my life, which didn’t go over very well with other women.

I passed it off that women were catty and moody and hard to get along with and that I just didn’t get what most of them talked about, which was, for the most part, other women!


I modeled when I was a teenager, never getting tall enough to pursue it beyond that, but for that brief period, I saw the worst of the worst when it came to "Mean Girl" type of behavior, even in grown women.

Just in case anyone wonders if a beautiful woman can feel horribly insecure and see themselves as anything but pretty, I’ve witnessed it first-hand. Regardless of where you would rate yourself on the scale of traditional beauty, or non-traditional beauty, that insecurity can creep in. 

I’m certain if you think about it, you know this is true.

How many of us can today remember the last women we saw that could be lovely, attractive and even stunning if they weren’t trying so hard to look like there were eighteen years old. Or, conversely, have simply given up and let themselves go?


How many of us could bolster a younger woman’s confidence by telling her how lovely she is, helping her to feel good about herself and not perhaps be so hungry for empty validation?

How many ways could we truly come together and assist each other, through every phase of life —  if we just stopped feeling threatened by one another?


Perhaps as women, we need to rethink our position regarding our “sisters” and begin to understand what having each other’s backs really means.

And, yes, it’s up to us to have integrity and not sleep with someone else’s mate. That is not a feather in your cap, ladies. It only adds to our lack of support for one another.

It’s up to us to support each other in being healthy and loving ourselves. Let’s take a stand for getting away from this crazy idea that a little age is such a bad thing.  


We are a ways away from total unification of our female race, but maybe we are beginning to see how much we need and rely on each other. And perhaps there is a chance we could figure this out before 40 years old, and forge relationships that support each other into blossoming to our full potential, whatever our age.

Perhaps there is room in our hearts for women who are younger, and we can become mentors while they remind us to play!

Sexy is as sexy does, ladies, and there is nothing sexier than a fully confident woman who accepts herself and embraces others in the same way.  

We're all on the same team. Yeah, team!



Deborah Bishop is an Inner Image Authority who helps highly ambitious, driven professionals when they need a hand-up (not a hand-out), when they feel struggling is no longer an option. Connect with Deborah now to receive a Complimentary “Discover What’s Stopping You” session, and take the time to ignite your life.