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Above all else, avoid this behavior on the first date.
By David Wygant — Last updated on Nov 28, 2023
Have you ever "fallen in love" with a man you've only just met? Have you been on a first date that went so well you were convinced he was the man of your dreams? How did that work out for you? Are you still with him, or did it end in a dating disaster?
I hate to play the devil's advocate here, but experience tells me he probably didn't meet your expectations, he wasn’t "the one," and you're not with the guy anymore. Correct?
A client of mine sent me this email the other day. I had to share it with you. (She gave me permission so don't worry.)
She went out with this guy on one date, and he made a major dating mistake that women are normally the guiltiest of. They went out for dinner. They got on well. The conversation flowed, and she was attracted to him. A few hours after the date, he sent her this text message:
"I had a great time tonight. I'm excited to spend more time with you to let these feelings grow. You have no idea how hopeful I am that you're the one."
They went on one date and he hopes that she's "the one?"
Okay, so that is a bit concerning. You have no idea who someone is after one date. You spend three, maybe four hours with this person, and already you've decided they're the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. It's nothing but mental exhaustion. And this begs the question of why have we become such a romance novel-driven culture.
A date is a date, and that's all it is. Nothing more, nothing less. It's two people getting together, sharing stories, and seeing if there's a connection there. You don't know who they really are after one night. You shared the highlights of each other's lives.
You haven't even gotten into the deeper stuff yet. You don't know about all the hidden nuggets or quirks they have. You haven't looked inside the closet to see what demons are hiding inside. You can connect with a man in a few hours.
"I'm excited to let these feelings grow."
What feelings? There are no feelings other than lust. You've fallen in love with the idea of that person. You've fallen in love with the person you think they are in your head. What you're feeling is a sense of excitement. You're pumped because you met someone cool, but there is no emotional connection, and it's certainly not love.
When you "fall in love" too quickly, you create expectations that a person can never meet. What happens is the moment they fall even the tiniest bit short of your fantasy, you feel devastated and you reject them. It’s time to control that excitement you feel when you first meet someone, and to learn how to correctly identify what you're feeling.
What you feel is lust, excitement, hope, and expectation. You don't feel love, and there's no way of knowing he's the one. Love takes time, and the sooner you realize that the sooner you'll stop setting unrealistic expectations no man can ever meet.
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David Wygant is a dating coach who spent the past 20 years helping men and women transform their love lives. As a lead writer for Ask Men and Huffington Post, his advice has been offered across television, newspapers, and magazines, including MTV, The New York Times, MSNBC, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, Men's Health, E! Entertainment Television, and more.