Why Would Anyone Want To Date You?

Why Would Anyone Want To Date You?
Love, Self

You may be surprised to learn that the one simple question in my headline is enough to freak out more people than you would ever imagine. In fact...perhaps you clicked on it because you’re one of them? In any event, if you can’t answer that question easily, confidently and without reservation, the truth is you probably have no business even dating. That’s because people who don’t know their own value invariably attract partners who don’t respect or appreciate their true value...and that’s the best case scenario! Stack up a few of those incredibly painful experiences back-to-back and it leads to an inevitable downward spiral in your own self esteem that left unchecked can create a world of pain and heartbreak.

Look at it this way

Imagine if you were in a foreign country where you didn’t speak the language and didn’t have a clue about the currency.  Then as you’re walking down the street, you stroll into a loud, crowded and bustling marketplace filled with interesting items you’ve never seen before in your life. There are people everywhere, darting quickly from table-to-table, speaking very quickly and loudly while gesturing madly. Then you spot this one thing that you’d love to have. The question is: would you reach your hand into your jam-packed pocket full of bills in the local currency you don’t understand and hold it out in both hands while the merchant eagerly snatches up bills, all the while trusting him to be honest and take only what it’s worth...and nothing more? If you’re honest, this little scenario would probably make you nervous because it’s essentially a “perfect storm” that would trigger every possible emotion that goes along with the feeling of being taken advantage of or getting “ripped off.”

You have GOT to know your value

Just like in the scenario above, the lesson is simply this: if you don’t know your own value, you are at the absolute mercy of anyone who fails to appreciate or respect what you have to offer. That’s because your own positive self image is the only thing that stands between you and a world of disappointment and hurt. Simply put, if you don’t know your value and you allow someone else to calculate it for you – it’s no longer their fault if they short-change you or take advantage of you. Now let me be clear: I am not giving rotten people who treat others poorly a free pass to be jerks. Karma is a powerful force and it will even the score in due time. What I am saying is that it is your responsibility to do your own work and not spend the rest of your life playing the role of “victim” when things don’t go your way.

So how do you discover your value?

As a coach, I help my clients do this every single day. The truth is, you were born absolutely perfect and then somewhere along the way, a number of things happened that caused you to forget, question or under-value the inherent worth that was your birthright. Then perhaps no one taught you a few key distinctions that can make a WORLD of difference in the results you get. Or maybe you developed some learned behaviors that have done nothing but sabotage you each and every time. Honestly, it could be any number of things – and usually they’re nestled away quietly in your “blind spots” – those emotional “black holes” that swallow up and hide the very keys to freedom that could turn it all around for you. The beauty of coaching is that it helps you ask the right questions and bring those blind spots into view. Then, once we discover them, we can heal them, put them to rest and begin anew with a clean slate.

Clarity is power

The gift of coaching is that it gets you crystal clear on exactly what you want and sets you up on the path to creating it. I know someone very well who shared with me a powerful moment from her own relationship coaching before we knew one another that was a huge turning point for her. She was literally brought to tears by one simple question her coach asked: “What exactly is your dating purpose?” Seems like a simple question right? The problem was that buried deep beneath that question was one of those blind spots I mentioned. Once the sobs came without warning, it became clear that the disappointment and struggle of a prior divorce, a fear of being vulnerable again – and a paralyzing fear of saying that yes, she did actually want to get married again – came spilling out. Now the bad news is – that conflict alone was more than enough to self-sabotage any potential new romance every time. (Perhaps you know someone who may be on this path?) The great news is – once that fear was out in the light of day, it was relatively easy to dissolve and move past – and the really great news is – this lady is now in a beautiful and very fulfilling relationship with a man who adores her. That’s the power of doing your own work and showing up healed, “whole” and ready for love.

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What is life like on the other side?

If you don’t know what it’s like to show up in a relationship feeling empowered, confident and perfectly “whole,” it’s like trying to describe the sweet fragrance of a rose to someone with no sense of smell or imagination. It’s incredibly difficult to accurately convey the feeling effectively...but it's not nearly as hard as trying to co-create a fulfilling relationship when you don't know your own value. Simply put, if you want to welcome in all the love you deserve, you need to know very clearly what value you bring to the table and why someone would want to date you.

If you think you may have some sort of a blind spot of your own that causes you to struggle or even self-sabotage, I highly recommend some work with a coach or therapist – ideally, one who specializes in relationships. In fact, if you’d like to discuss it with me, I’d welcome an opportunity to help shed some light on those blind spots so contact me and we’ll set up a time to speak.