Love, Self

6 Reasons Texting Before The First Date Is A Major TURN OFF

Photo: WeHeartIt
girl on phone

You're anticipating a first date. You've got his cell number and you've got fingers. So therefore, it's time to check-in a couple gazillion times between now and Friday.


Aside from confirming the location and time, and maybe a "looking forward to seeing you" text, you've GOT to restrain yourself. You're gonna kill the date before it even happens.


I'll give you six good reasons:

1. You're going to bore him silly.

You don’t don't know each other. It's not interesting to get regular check-ins from a stranger. It might feel good to have someone to text "good morning" and "good night" to. But after a while, that exciting newness will wear off because you don’t care enough about each other yet to need to know that they slept well or are home safe work and getting ready to go to sleep.

2. You'll be spoiling the anticipation.

If someone's hungry and you give them a few bites of cake, and then a few more, and then a few more, they're no longer hungry. This will be him in the days leading up to your date if you keep shooting him texts. Let him feel excited about meeting you, and in the meantime, cool it. If you start texting him incessantly, you're going to diffuse and dilute his anticipation and he may even end up canceling.

3. He will feel you're texting to be entertained.

What a drag. In the midst of his busy day, you keep writing "What's up?" If he doesn't have time to stop and explain, he's gonna feel that you're being a nuisance. Don't make him feel it's his job to entertain or distract you 'cause you're bored. That, in itself, is boring.

4. He cannot provide you comfort. You're still as of yet a stranger.

“I’m having such a bad day. How are you?” Ugh! Way to bring down the mood! Or “Just wanted to say hi.” Um, OK … “Hi back.”

These are intimate check-ins that should only happen down the road when you really know each other well. Feeling that someone is thinking about you might give you a feeling of comfort in the moment, but it's inappropriately familiar with someone you haven't met yet. And you will run the risk of coming off as slightly stalkerish.

5. Texts can lead to confusion.

You wanted to seem funny, sarcastic, witty or ironic, but instead you come across as rude, stupid, awkward, offensive or just confusing. Until you know each other’s way of thinking and speaking, your texts, which don't have your voice and body language, are very easily misconstrued.

6. Texting may lead to sexting.

It's way too easy to go from fun to flirty to sexual undertones to sexting. While it's exciting, it also gives the wrong impression and can accidentally maneuver your budding romance from a path of sweet, substantive and real, to hot, fireworks, explosion — then nothing. You're a sexual being and, yes, flirting is fun! But there's plenty of time for that after you meet, see that you actually like each other in person, and allow your relationship to naturally progress.

Once the relationship is a bit more established, those “Hey handsome, thinking of you,” “Good morning! Waking up to you in my mind puts a smile on my face,” or “Sweet dreams, sweetheart,” are all very welcome, comforting and appreciated because you know and truly care for each other.

In the meantime, hold back, let him look forward to meeting you. And have a great first date!

For more on this topic from Laurel, watch this video.