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By Danielle Sax — Written on Nov 09, 2017
There is an abundance of articles, books, and quotes about relationships and how we can make them work. Still, it seems to be one of the most challenging things for us in our lives.
The purpose of a relationship with another being is to feel connected, to love and be loved, and certainly to communicate so that we can live fulfilling and meaningful lives. But so often, we are feeling deeply unfulfilled.
Many of my clients come in with a lot of complaints about their relationships with their surroundings, feeling hurt and frustrated!
What most of us do not realize is that we are making 2 major mistakes on an unconscious level. We do not even realize that we make them, it all happens through our conditioning.
An important relationship advice for women that you need to know is to avoid these 2 relationship mistakes:
1. You look outside of yourself to find the cause of your conflict.
This means that most of us are judging our surroundings on a consistent level. We see the outside world, people or things as the cause of how we feel. We are conditioned to look outside of us to find the cause and the solution to our conflicts or challenges.
Look at your romantic relationship with your partner, where you are used to judging that person for making you feel hurt or frustrated. Now, change that situation and go within to observe yourself on a conscious level.
Ask yourself the right questions about what exact need lies behind those feeling because that is then the underlying cause of your hurt and frustration. Try to understand yourself better and search for strategies or requests to fulfill those core needs.
It will definitely change that romantic relationship or any other relationship for that matter because you are focusing on yourself and not on the judgment of the other person.
2. You forget that the number one relationship in your life is the relationship you have with yourself.
We are conditioned from a young age that putting others first is the right thing to do, that we need to live our lives through the outside world.
What we do not realize is, that every relationship in your life gives you a mirror of the relationship you have with yourself. If you want to be loved, understood, and respected, you need to work on yourself first and love, understand, and respect yourself first before you can expect from others to give that to you.
Many of us women (and also some men) sacrifice ourselves to please, help, and save others in our surroundings, personally or professionally. We forget that we need to fill our own cup first so that we can build relationships with others from a place of self-love, self-acceptance, and self-worth.
If you do not value yourself, how can you expect your partner, your boss, or your mother-in-law to value you?
These two mistakes are to tell you that it all starts with you. "You are your best investment" is one of my mantras and I want to inspire you to live from the inside out. I hope you can see that it all starts with yourself, so you can take control of your life and your results.
Let’s stop pointing fingers to others for the results in our life. Stop making the mistakes of looking outside of you for your relationship challenges. Take your life and your relationships in your own hands.
Make the decision that you are going to be your next project! You will not regret it!
Danielle Sax is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and expert in "Conscious Self-care". To discover more simple-but-powerful steps to activate more self-care and stress-free living and set healthy boundaries for yourself, go to her website to download the "Free Checklist and e-book" and get amazing inspirational content.
This article was originally published at Danielle Sax. Reprinted with permission from the author.